Tag Archives: children

FOUNDATION STONES – 12

Christian Life,

GUIDE YOUR CHILDREN

Proverbs 22:6 NIV
[6] “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

Now here’s wise counsel for young parents who have been entrusted with a precious gift but without the maker’s manual! This is not about telling your children about the Lord and His ways so that, when they grow up, they will be good Christians! This is about guiding your children along the way they were created to go, and they will continue on that way when they are adults.

The King James Version translates…

Proverbs 22:6 KJV
[6]”Train up a child in the way he should go: And when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

Every child is born wrapped in irresistible cuteness but also with enormous potential for good or evil. Left to himself, his natural bent towards evil will eventually destroy him. Frustrated by misguided parents, he will rebel either against too many or too few boundaries.

Discipline correctly applied will help a child along the path of functional living…

Proverbs 29:15 NLT
[15] “To discipline a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child.”

…but, too much or too harsh discipline will frustrate a child.

Ephesians 6:4 NIV
[4] “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

So, what’s the answer?

As much as the Bible is a guidebook for everyday adult living, it also provides wise counsel for parents who desire to raise their children in God’s ways.

To apply correct guidance to a child who is unknown at birth, takes time to learn, to know, and to understand one’s offspring. He/she is a mix of our ancestors. What their genes and yours produce is a unique new person, full of potential but vulnerable to the influences that will shape and direct that potential.

Solomon’s wise instruction takes into account the specific bent of each child, not only towards good or evil but also towards the direction that child will take in life.

Foolish parents try to mould their children into the predetermined life they want for their son or daughter. Instead of studying the child as he/ she grows up, recognising likes and dislikes, desires and aspirations, they try to force their child to follow the path of their choice.

Yes, parents do influence their children through participating in parental activities and even careers but…the final choice must never be forced on them.

This consideration is pivotal for a child’s mental and emotional wellbeing as he/she moves along the path towards responsible adulthood. Put it this way, a son who enjoys playing cricket should never be forced to play rugby because his father was an international rugby star! That’s an exaggerated example but, in everyday terms, a child should be given every opportunity to cultivate what he loves and does well within the boundaries of faith in Jesus and good character.

We live in a society which is continually dispensing with boundaries. So-called freedom is measured by throwing off the restrictions put on people from the outside. The fewer the laws, the greater their freedom, so they think.

Trouble is that this kind of “freedom” encroaches on the freedom of others. So, for example, people who think they are free to throw noisy, all-night parties disregard the freedom of neighbours who have the right to a peaceful night’s sleep.

So, parental guidance and discipline includes both the broader, all encompassing boundaries of good morals and ethics, godly behaviour, consideration, and good manners as well as the boundaries of their choice of career path they will follow.

True freedom is inward…freedom from guilt, fear, and shame…through self-discipline and self-control. These are the boundaries in which a child will flourish when he/she moves through childhood into the adult world of work and career.

God creates each person unique and suited to their part in the bigger scheme of His kingdom. Each has a niche to fill that no one else can fill. If wise parents understand this principle, they will study their child, understand his/her unique traits, and guide their child along the path God has prepared for them.

To understand this process and carry it out will produce a happy and fulfilled adult rather than a frustrated and rebellious child who will kick over the traces as soon as he/she is out of the home.

Solomon’s proverbs also provide the nuts and bolts of this training process. Across the book, he gives counsel to parents to shape the way they carry out their mandate to accompany and guide their child towards the place God has prepared for them to occupy.

So, we do well to put this instruction book to good use. Not only does God hold our children accountable for their contribution to this world, but parents also for the part they play in helping their children achieve His purpose.

CHRIST IN THE NUCLEAR FAMILY

Christian Life, ,

Colossians 3:18-21 NLT
[18]”Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. [19] Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. [20] Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. [21] Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”

Wives, husbands, children…a nuclear family, each a cell in the community and in Christ’s body. Paul’s instructions to family members are much more than good ideas to keep family life in peace and harmony. His instructions form the foundation of life in His body, the church, as he hss fleshed out in his letter to the Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:22-33 NLT
[22] “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. [23] For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. [24] As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. [25] For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her [26] to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. [27] He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. [28] In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. [29] No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. [30] And we are members of his body. [31] As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” [32] This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. [33] So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 6:1-4 NLT
[1]”Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. [2] “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: [3] If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” [4] Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

All the components of human cells must function in the orderly way God created for a human body to be healthy, so each nuclear family must be a functional cell in the body of Christ. Therefore, the church family’s health and function depends on the condition of each human family in the church.

How does this work?

The more we observe the natural world, the more we recognise the importance of order and function in each individual habitat. Humans are learning that, when we interfere with God’s order, each habitat becomes increasingly dysfunctional. Each part, however minute and insignificant it may seem, is vital to the whole. Left alone to be and do as they were created, every individual creature and habitat will be healthy and flourishing.

Let’s consider God’s order in the family. Every human institution, from family life to great businesses, organisations, and corporations only function smoothly when under authority and submission. Without an effective leader and willing followers, each level in society will become chaotic.

You see, since God created everything, He alone knows how everything should function. Genesis 1 in the Hebrew gives us a picture of God’s creative work and purpose. Let’s look at creation from His perspective.

The Bible does not tell us when God made the universe but it does tell us how and why. When it speaks of “the beginning”, it simply says, “the heavens and the earth”. So, it seems that Bible’s only focus was what was happening on the earth after He spoke it into existence. Everything else in the universe falls under the general category, “the heavens”.

God’s focus was the earth which, “in the beginning”, was in a state of darkness and chaos. What went wrong with the creation of the earth? Did some dark and sinister force mess with God’s work? Can we tie this period of earth’s history to events in heaven when a powerful angelic being, called Lucifer in Isaiah 14, challenged God’s throne and was thrown out of heaven down onto the earth?

The Hebrew words used to describe the state of the earth at this stage suggest this theory. The earth was “tohu”, a desolate wasteland, and “bohu”, empty, an undistinguishable ruin. Doesn’t this suggest the interference of an evil being?

God got to work to bring order into this chaos. The Hebrew word, “bara”, translated “create”, can mean more than to “make something out of nothing”. It has the connotation of “to shape” or “to make fat”, i.e., to fill out.

Genesis 1, then, is description of the way God brought order to the earth by filling it out (making it fat) with vegetation, creatures, and the heavenly bodies that influence the earth’s seemless function…moon and stars.

When everything on earth was “good”, functional, and ready, God created the first human pair with all the equipment and the instructions to populate the earth with beings like themselves. When God set His plan in motion, it worked perfectly. Creatures reproduced, and humans were to reproduce, each in their own species and within the order God set in motion.

Human and animal species functioned in two different ways, humans by choice and animals by instinct.

God’s plan worked perfectly until outside interference messed it up, introducing the way of self-determination and self-will that dragged the entire creation into disorder and chaos.

Jesus came to set things back in order. In His kingdom, under His authority, His system of human authority and submission was restored. However, this system only works when those who are in His kingdom, willingly submit to His way.

So, God ordained His order in the family first. He created a man, then a woman to complete the man, and then children from the union of man and woman. This was His order from the beginning. The human family is only fully functional when this order is restored, respected, and followed in every family and happens by choice.

Since life is cyclical…i.e., people come and go, families, generations continue in cycles, God’s pattern will only continue as we fall in line with His order.

Consider, for a moment, what human rebellion has done to this pattern. Since sinful people refuse to obey God’s order, divorce on the one hand, and sexual promiscuity on the other, has so blurred these cycles that human society has become hotch-potch of disconnected people. Together with this disconnect has come every form of emotional and behavioural dysfunctionality.

Medical science has accurately identified these outcomes as “disorders”, but have ignored the cause…rebellion against God’s instructions, i.e., sin. Doctors treat disorders as mental and emotional disease, making people victims rather that willing players in their own dysfunctionality.

Unfortunately, medication used to treat disease can do nothing to cure sin. Sin is a “heart” problem and can only be cured with a heart transplant.

Ezekiel 36:26-27 NLT
[26] “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. [27] And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.”

So, God’s remedy made it possible to restore order in the nuclear family through Jesus. Only the presence of His Spirit in each individual in the family (Christ in you, the hope of glory), can reproduce the harmony and peace in the family that is carried over into the church family.

We learn, then, that God did something far bigger and better than any man-made religion can do. He restored the order in families that can affect life in His body, the church and even has a ripple effect in society as His kingdom spreads on earth.

However, He left the choice to us to comply or rebel, and we reap the consequences.

CHILDREN, OBEY – 19 b

Bible Study, ,

Ephesians 6:1-4 NLT‬
[1] “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. [2] “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: [3] If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”

Although Paul addresses children first in the family dynamic, it is the parent, especially the father, who needs to understand the goal towards which his fathering role is moving. Without a goal, raising godly children becomes a game of hit-and-miss, a minefield of mistakes resulting in conflict and rebellion.

We see this ‘warfare’ between parents and children in the best of families simply because parents are not aware of their role or goal in their children’s lives and because children have no idea what they are to become and why discipline must be applied to reach the goal. This battle of wills results in anger, resentment, and disharmony on both sides. Children believe that they have equal say in the choices and decisions they make. They think that they are little ‘adults’!

So, Paul clearly states the only goal of parenting… obedience. Why is obedience to parents so important? Obedience to authority is part of the cycle of life and is the only way to experience harmony in the home and in society.

We have increasing lawlessness today because the emphasis has shifted from submission to authority to the demand for ‘rights’ for everyone, including children and animals! Basic rights are good and must be protected but not at the expense of submission to legitimate authority.

Children will never know ‘the fear of the Lord’ until they learn, first, to respect and submit to parental authority and, later, to all other authorities. The fear of the Lord is the supreme purpose of obedience. As a child matures in knowledge and understanding, he must transfer obedience from his earthly father to his heavenly Father. He must learn this lesson early if he is to continue the cycle of harmony in his future family and in the families of his descendants.

There are two essential requirements for a child to grow up in a happy and secure environment; boundaries and blessing, both of which will protect him from insecurity… boundaries from foolish and destructive behaviour, and blessing from mistrust in himself and those he must respect and honour.

Parents set the boundaries, not their children, to protect children from self-destruction, not to restrict or prohibit them from growing by experience. Children learn from the consequences of their behaviour, both good and bad. Protecting them from consequences will rob them of the lessons that follow in adulthood. A life without consequences in early childhood leads to the dangerous mindset that nothing will happen to them regardless of what they do.

A father’s blessing reassures the child that he is accepted, affirmed, and adored in his father’s heart. This ‘blessing’ gives the child the confidence to face life against the backdrop of his family, knowing that he is accepted and loved for who he is, not for what he does.

We see the best example of a father’s blessing and the personal security it produced, in the life of Jesus. Before He ever stepped out onto the stage of public ministry, He needed two vital strategies.

  1. He needed confidence in the Father’s confidence in Him.

He received that blessing from the Father in an audible voice at His baptism, and that affirmation secured His passion to please the Father in all He said and did.

‭Luke 3:21-22 NLT‬
[21] “One day when the crowds were being baptized, Jesus himself was baptized. As he was praying, the heavens opened, [22] and the Holy Spirit, in bodily form, descended on him like a dove. And a voice from heaven said, “You are my dearly loved Son, and you bring me great joy.”

‭John 8:29 NLT‬
[29] And the one who sent me is with me—he has not deserted me. For I always do what pleases him.”

  1. He needed a strategy to fulfill His mission as Saviour of the world.

His strategy was cemented in His soul when the devil tempted Him to act independently of the Father. He chose to place Himself under the authority of the Father and His Word.

‭Luke 4:4 NLT‬
[4] But Jesus told him, “No! The Scriptures say, ‘People do not live by bread alone.’”

He chose to obey the Word of God in every situation because of His confidence in the Father. Therefore, He could testify repeatedly,

‭John 5:19-20a NLT‬
[19]… “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does. [20] For the Father loves the Son and shows him everything he is doing….”

‭Hebrews 5:8-9 NLT‬
[8]” Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered. [9] In this way, God qualified him as a perfect High Priest, and he became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey him.”

Obedience to parents, then, although it cuts across their natural bent towards evil, is the children’s pathway towards obedience to God’s Word and the promise of a long life, in the Old Covenant. Though this promise may not apply in the New Covenant because longevity is not necessarily part of God’s purpose for the individual, God sets obedience as a priority in every part of a person’s life.

The devil’s strategy, from the beginning, was to separate us from God’s authority and get us to act alone. This trend is cemented in a child’s life if he is allowed to get his own way.

Obedience to authority does not begin in adulthood. It begins when a baby takes its first breath. Authority applied lovingly, consistently, and purposefully, will achieve its goal. Godly children who honour their parents by showing respect and submitting to their authority, are the only building blocks of a stable society.

We see the painful consequences in our society where children have no active fathers in their lives and are left to plot their own course in life. The need for acceptance and belonging is so strong that, without the blessing of a loving father, even gangsterism is better than nothing.

HARMONY IN THE HOUSEHOLD

Bible Study, ,

HARMONY IN THE HOUSEHOLD

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord (Col. 3: 18-22).

‘As members of one body you were called to peace.’ This was Paul’s conviction about life in the body of Christ. Peace is only achieved when each individual submits to a collective will and is more concerned for the well-being of the others than for himself.

Likewise, in the family, harmony can only come about in the atmosphere of mutual submission. However, someone has to initiate the harmony that should characterise a household that represents the body of Christ. In Paul’s book, the person to initiate the harmony is the one in charge – the husband and father of the family.

Why must wives submit to their husbands? Is he the boss? Does he have the right to call the shots and expect everyone to jump? Not according to Paul. He expanded on his prescription for a harmonious household in his letter to the Ephesian church. The pivot around which everything turns is the husband’s love for his wife. He is to love his wife as Jesus loved the church.

Of course, that does not mean that Jesus sat in an arm chair and ordered His followers around. Quite the contrary! He loved His ‘bride’ enough to give His life for her. Jesus modelled a servant heart during His earthly life. This was His take:

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many (Mark10: 45).

It is far easier to submit to someone who has a servant heart than a person who lords it over others. A true husband and father is one who serves his family rather than one who rules with an iron fist.

How difficult is it for a wife to submit to a husband who loves her and shows his love by taking care of her needs? This is the essence of true love – meeting the needs of others at one’s own expense. Love is the oil that keeps the household functioning smoothly. If selfishness rules rather than love, the atmosphere will quickly become toxic as each one strives to get his own way.

What about children? Obedience is God’s first and only requirement for children in a family. Once again, however, God does not demand blind obedience because that would contribute nothing towards creating a family unit. Fathers must initiate the environment in which it is easy for children to obey their parents. Commands that reflect a father’s capricious demands produce rebellion, not compliance and fracture that love that holds the family together.

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4

How do slaves (or servants) fit into the household? Are they part of it or are they just cogs in a machine? What part do they play in the life of a family? In this family, which Paul sees as representing a Christ-controlled family, the servants play an important part. They are as much a part of serving one another as the husband, wife and children are, but even more so. Their serving is not voluntary but obligatory. What counts is why they do it and the way they do it.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be paid for their wrongs, and there is no favouritism (Col. 3: 23-25).

How sad that believers are often no better than unbelievers in the world of work and business! What a witness for Jesus when they do their work as unto the Lord and with a heart of true worship!

Unity, in the end, is about submitting ourselves to one another and serving one another out of reverence for Christ, whether it be in the church, in the home or in the workplace. This is the only way in which society will ever really work.

Scripture taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIPS

Bible Study, ,

RECIPROCAL RELATIONSHIPS

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honour your father and mother’ which is the first commandment with a promise – ‘so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.’ Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:1-4).

Have you noticed how relationships always work in pairs? They are never one-sided. People on every level function interdependently but, at the same time, one group sets the tone and the other responds, and vice versa. Take the relationship between parents and children or, as Paul instructed here in his letter to Ephesian believers newly rescued out of paganism, fathers and children.

Why did Paul single out fathers for their specific role in the family? Is it not because, again, fathers have the responsibility to take the lead and to set the tone for the whole family. This, of course, assumes that there is a father in the family and that he recognises and understands his role as the head of the home.

With today’s rebellion against God’s beautiful idea for marriage, the world is full of biological fathers who have abdicated their role as real fathers, procreating offspring like animals whose main purpose is to pass on their genes, while ignoring their task of raising their children in a godly environment. Is it any wonder that the world is also full of ‘orphans’ who have no identity, no security, no home and no name because their fathers are not fathering them as Paul instructed?

It was not God’s idea to set boundaries around human behaviour to spoil our fun. Belief in the lie of evolution has a spin-off. If human beings are no more than a higher order of apes, evolved over millions of years to walk upright and to have superior intelligence, then it is in order for us to behave like apes, ignoring such things as decency and morality. (From where do morality and conscience come if we are only human apes)?

We can only be safe and flourish within the boundaries of well-defined moral behaviour. God’s prescriptions for children and fathers in the family circle constitute the safety zone in which they are protected and can live in harmony with one another.

When roles and functions are blurred, the power struggle begins and the result is chaos and unhappiness. It is the father’s role to set the standards for the child the moment he or she enters the world. Baby is not king in the house and the sooner he learns that, the better.

God has only one requirement for children – obedience to their parents. This does not mean that parents must beat their children into submission. They must apply discipline where necessary but always in the best interests of protecting love and preserving unity, not venting their anger and frustration on the child because they are bigger and stronger.

Why is obedience to parents of primary importance? A child is naturally selfish and independent – the hallmarks of Adam’s nature in them. If he is left to himself, his potential for selfishness and independence will come to full bloom in a life of lawlessness and rebellion against all authority, and he will end up a hardened criminal living a wasted life, probably in a prison cell.

It is the father’s role to tame that potential for rebellion by nurturing his child in the atmosphere of love and acceptance, to submit to his authority in the home. That presupposes that the father will love his child enough to set reasonable boundaries and to reinforce them lovingly and not in anger or frustration. Again, that presupposes that he is submitted to Jesus Christ as Lord and that he honours God and obeys His Word just as he expects his child to honour and obey him.

Once again, there is no place for one person lording it over another even if they are father and child. No child will honour, respect and obey a cruel or abusive father. He will do so if his parent treats him with respect. That implies and includes reasonable boundaries which, of necessity, will change as the child grows older.

This interconnected, interactive behaviour is intended to foster loving and harmonious relationships in the home that produce order and contentment. Each one in the family must know his or her place according to God’s Word, within which he or she will be safe and contented. When one or another steps out of line, the result is chaos, confusion and unhappiness.

There is a pitfall every parent must avoid – the idea that it is important to be your child’s ‘friend’. Some parents are afraid to exercise discipline and to teach their children to behave in a civilised way because they don’t want to lose their child’s ‘friendship’. That is a lie from the devil. Parents are parents, not friends. God placed parents in the home to guide and shape their children for responsible adulthood, not to be on the level with them or to please them.

It is only within this environment of interactive living that children can be their real selves and can develop to their full potential in the atmosphere of harmony and peace. The world is full of angry people, angry because Dad was either missing or a tyrant in the home. God’s way is the only way that really works.

Scripture is taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Have you read my first book, Learning to be a Son – The Way to the Father’s Heart (Copyright © 2015, Partridge Publishing)? You’ll love it!

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