Tag Archives: wives

CHRIST IN THE NUCLEAR FAMILY

Christian Life, ,

Colossians 3:18-21 NLT
[18]”Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. [19] Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly. [20] Children, always obey your parents, for this pleases the Lord. [21] Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged.”

Wives, husbands, children…a nuclear family, each a cell in the community and in Christ’s body. Paul’s instructions to family members are much more than good ideas to keep family life in peace and harmony. His instructions form the foundation of life in His body, the church, as he hss fleshed out in his letter to the Ephesians.

Ephesians 5:22-33 NLT
[22] “For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. [23] For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. [24] As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. [25] For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her [26] to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. [27] He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. [28] In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. [29] No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. [30] And we are members of his body. [31] As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” [32] This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. [33] So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

Ephesians 6:1-4 NLT
[1]”Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. [2] “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: [3] If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.” [4] Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”

All the components of human cells must function in the orderly way God created for a human body to be healthy, so each nuclear family must be a functional cell in the body of Christ. Therefore, the church family’s health and function depends on the condition of each human family in the church.

How does this work?

The more we observe the natural world, the more we recognise the importance of order and function in each individual habitat. Humans are learning that, when we interfere with God’s order, each habitat becomes increasingly dysfunctional. Each part, however minute and insignificant it may seem, is vital to the whole. Left alone to be and do as they were created, every individual creature and habitat will be healthy and flourishing.

Let’s consider God’s order in the family. Every human institution, from family life to great businesses, organisations, and corporations only function smoothly when under authority and submission. Without an effective leader and willing followers, each level in society will become chaotic.

You see, since God created everything, He alone knows how everything should function. Genesis 1 in the Hebrew gives us a picture of God’s creative work and purpose. Let’s look at creation from His perspective.

The Bible does not tell us when God made the universe but it does tell us how and why. When it speaks of “the beginning”, it simply says, “the heavens and the earth”. So, it seems that Bible’s only focus was what was happening on the earth after He spoke it into existence. Everything else in the universe falls under the general category, “the heavens”.

God’s focus was the earth which, “in the beginning”, was in a state of darkness and chaos. What went wrong with the creation of the earth? Did some dark and sinister force mess with God’s work? Can we tie this period of earth’s history to events in heaven when a powerful angelic being, called Lucifer in Isaiah 14, challenged God’s throne and was thrown out of heaven down onto the earth?

The Hebrew words used to describe the state of the earth at this stage suggest this theory. The earth was “tohu”, a desolate wasteland, and “bohu”, empty, an undistinguishable ruin. Doesn’t this suggest the interference of an evil being?

God got to work to bring order into this chaos. The Hebrew word, “bara”, translated “create”, can mean more than to “make something out of nothing”. It has the connotation of “to shape” or “to make fat”, i.e., to fill out.

Genesis 1, then, is description of the way God brought order to the earth by filling it out (making it fat) with vegetation, creatures, and the heavenly bodies that influence the earth’s seemless function…moon and stars.

When everything on earth was “good”, functional, and ready, God created the first human pair with all the equipment and the instructions to populate the earth with beings like themselves. When God set His plan in motion, it worked perfectly. Creatures reproduced, and humans were to reproduce, each in their own species and within the order God set in motion.

Human and animal species functioned in two different ways, humans by choice and animals by instinct.

God’s plan worked perfectly until outside interference messed it up, introducing the way of self-determination and self-will that dragged the entire creation into disorder and chaos.

Jesus came to set things back in order. In His kingdom, under His authority, His system of human authority and submission was restored. However, this system only works when those who are in His kingdom, willingly submit to His way.

So, God ordained His order in the family first. He created a man, then a woman to complete the man, and then children from the union of man and woman. This was His order from the beginning. The human family is only fully functional when this order is restored, respected, and followed in every family and happens by choice.

Since life is cyclical…i.e., people come and go, families, generations continue in cycles, God’s pattern will only continue as we fall in line with His order.

Consider, for a moment, what human rebellion has done to this pattern. Since sinful people refuse to obey God’s order, divorce on the one hand, and sexual promiscuity on the other, has so blurred these cycles that human society has become hotch-potch of disconnected people. Together with this disconnect has come every form of emotional and behavioural dysfunctionality.

Medical science has accurately identified these outcomes as “disorders”, but have ignored the cause…rebellion against God’s instructions, i.e., sin. Doctors treat disorders as mental and emotional disease, making people victims rather that willing players in their own dysfunctionality.

Unfortunately, medication used to treat disease can do nothing to cure sin. Sin is a “heart” problem and can only be cured with a heart transplant.

Ezekiel 36:26-27 NLT
[26] “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart. [27] And I will put my Spirit in you so that you will follow my decrees and be careful to obey my regulations.”

So, God’s remedy made it possible to restore order in the nuclear family through Jesus. Only the presence of His Spirit in each individual in the family (Christ in you, the hope of glory), can reproduce the harmony and peace in the family that is carried over into the church family.

We learn, then, that God did something far bigger and better than any man-made religion can do. He restored the order in families that can affect life in His body, the church and even has a ripple effect in society as His kingdom spreads on earth.

However, He left the choice to us to comply or rebel, and we reap the consequences.

PRAY THE PATTERN – 16

Bible Study, ,

Ephesians 5:18, 20, 21, 22a, 25a NLT‬
[18]”Don’t be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life…. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit…
[20] And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
[21] And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
[22] For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord…
[25] For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church”….

Paul’s ‘therefores’, following his teaching on God’s grace in this letter, form patterns of behaviour for those who have been saved by grace. What does he mean by ‘saved’? Only when we understand what sin has done to us can we begin to fathom the extent to which God’s grace has gone to rescue us from sin’s consequences.

So, Paul says, God has given us a blueprint for life after we have been rescued from death and made alive by God’s Spirit. His patterns include every category and level of the people who make up His family.

God has chosen His Son to be the model for every child of His. Jesus is the only one qualified to be the model since He is the only human who lived on earth as a perfect Son. He is the blueprint for God’s children, the one after whom the Holy Spirit is patterning everyone who has been born from above and saved from sin.

Included in these patterns is God’s blueprint for marriage. God intended marriage, between one man and one woman for life, to be the visual aid of the intimate union between the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the Trinity.

God is a family. His plan was to bring into His family the humans He had created to enjoy family life with the Godhead. He instituted marriage on earth to be a family, including the children born from that union, to give us a taste of life in His heavenly family.

The fact that humans failed to follow His pattern did not deter God. He set up His plan of salvation, based on His grace, to bring His pattern back on track. Through Jesus, He brought us back to Himself and restored His power to live life His way.

Although God’s patterns are for us to follow in every situation in life, He akso has another purpose for them.

Our prayers are often based on the problems we encounter. Families are struggling, for example, and our prayers focus on what’s going wrong. We end up giving God advice or telling Him what to do.

However, God has told us the purpose for marriage and the ‘how-to’ in Ephesians. So, He says, pray the pattern, not the problem.

We know that God hears us if we pray according to His will.

‭1 John 5:14-15 NLT‬
[14] “And we are confident that he hears us whenever we ask for anything that pleases him. [15] And since we know he hears us when we make our requests, we also know that he will give us what we ask for.”

Instead of praying lengthy, wordy prayers, (like the pagans), for ourselves and others, just say ‘amen’ and ‘thank you’ to His pattern because it has already been approved.

‭2 Corinthians 1:20 NLT‬
[20]” For all of God’s promises have been fulfilled in Christ with a resounding “Yes!” And through Christ, our “Amen” (which means “Yes”) ascends to God for his glory.”

So, we can apply this principle to every situation we encounter for a sure solution. It’s God’s prerogative to answer in His time and in His way, but it’s our responsibility to trust Him by giving thanks for His answer.

God wants to change people. He allows situations to happen so that He can apply His grace. He gives us opportunity to participate with Him through prayer to reveal His grace to us too. In that way, we worship Him and He gets the glory, which is the ultimate purpose of prayer.

‭John 15:7-8 NLT‬
[7] “But if you remain in me and my words remain in you, you may ask for anything you want, and it will be granted! [8] When you produce much fruit, you are my true disciples. This brings great glory to my Father.”

HARMONY IN THE HOUSEHOLD

Bible Study, ,

HARMONY IN THE HOUSEHOLD

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord (Col. 3: 18-22).

‘As members of one body you were called to peace.’ This was Paul’s conviction about life in the body of Christ. Peace is only achieved when each individual submits to a collective will and is more concerned for the well-being of the others than for himself.

Likewise, in the family, harmony can only come about in the atmosphere of mutual submission. However, someone has to initiate the harmony that should characterise a household that represents the body of Christ. In Paul’s book, the person to initiate the harmony is the one in charge – the husband and father of the family.

Why must wives submit to their husbands? Is he the boss? Does he have the right to call the shots and expect everyone to jump? Not according to Paul. He expanded on his prescription for a harmonious household in his letter to the Ephesian church. The pivot around which everything turns is the husband’s love for his wife. He is to love his wife as Jesus loved the church.

Of course, that does not mean that Jesus sat in an arm chair and ordered His followers around. Quite the contrary! He loved His ‘bride’ enough to give His life for her. Jesus modelled a servant heart during His earthly life. This was His take:

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many (Mark10: 45).

It is far easier to submit to someone who has a servant heart than a person who lords it over others. A true husband and father is one who serves his family rather than one who rules with an iron fist.

How difficult is it for a wife to submit to a husband who loves her and shows his love by taking care of her needs? This is the essence of true love – meeting the needs of others at one’s own expense. Love is the oil that keeps the household functioning smoothly. If selfishness rules rather than love, the atmosphere will quickly become toxic as each one strives to get his own way.

What about children? Obedience is God’s first and only requirement for children in a family. Once again, however, God does not demand blind obedience because that would contribute nothing towards creating a family unit. Fathers must initiate the environment in which it is easy for children to obey their parents. Commands that reflect a father’s capricious demands produce rebellion, not compliance and fracture that love that holds the family together.

1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:1-4

How do slaves (or servants) fit into the household? Are they part of it or are they just cogs in a machine? What part do they play in the life of a family? In this family, which Paul sees as representing a Christ-controlled family, the servants play an important part. They are as much a part of serving one another as the husband, wife and children are, but even more so. Their serving is not voluntary but obligatory. What counts is why they do it and the way they do it.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be paid for their wrongs, and there is no favouritism (Col. 3: 23-25).

How sad that believers are often no better than unbelievers in the world of work and business! What a witness for Jesus when they do their work as unto the Lord and with a heart of true worship!

Unity, in the end, is about submitting ourselves to one another and serving one another out of reverence for Christ, whether it be in the church, in the home or in the workplace. This is the only way in which society will ever really work.

Scripture taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

WORDLESS WITNESS

Bible Study, ,

WORDLESS WITNESS

Wives, in the same way, submit yourselves to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewellery or fine clothes.

Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. (1 Peter 3: 1-6)

Peter, what are you asking? Once again he turned the standard of the world on its head!

It is well known that more women than men are inclined to respond to the gospel. How many spiritual ‘widows’ are there in churches all over the world? That means that homes are divided right down the middle over the fundamental issue of ‘who do you worship?’ People either worship the Creator God or they are self-made and worship their creator. This is the Great Divide between heaven and hell – not the hell of fire and brimstone but the hell of disunity which comes from divided loyalties.

How are wives meant to handle the situation, especially in the first century when women became unequally yoked with their husbands through faith in Jesus? This was not an unequal yoke by choice but by circumstances.

Paul warned believers about deliberately becoming involved in an unequal yoke with unbelievers:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Cor. 6: 14)

It’s one thing to make a foolish choice before marriage and then live to regret the consequences. It’s another to find the household split through one member’s decision to follow Jesus. What is a wife to do in such circumstances?

Peter’s counsel is both wise and productive. Many a wife in such a situation thinks that preaching to her husband is the way to go. Unfortunately, it seldom works that way. It usually has the opposite effect on an unbelieving husband. Remember that the one who does not believe in Jesus is God’s enemy (Romans 5: 10). The more the wife bangs him with the Bible, the more resistant he becomes and the worse the conflict in the home.

Preaching won’t do it and dressing like a princess won’t do it either. Peter certainly did not advise Christian wives to dress like frumps! Perhaps she might even want to do that to get even with him or to turn him off physically when he doesn’t treat her with love.  Dressing up may arouse the husband’s sensual desires but it will not touch his heart. The wife may adorn herself outwardly to please her husband but it will bring him no nearer to believing in Jesus.

What kind of behaviour will break through his defences and touch his heart? The same kind of behaviour Peter counselled slaves to exhibit towards harsh and cruel slave-owners. Submit to him, whatever his demands until he recognises in you a supernatural grace that only God through His Spirit can produce. Preaching, dressing up or even resisting him will not do what a humble and gentle attitude will.

Jesus’s attitude and behaviour in the face of injustice brought life out of death. Imagine what a wife’s willing submission to her husband would do. If he were cruel or unreasonable, it would expose his wickedness against her purity of heart.

Peter’s counsel to believing wives is simple. Be like Sarah who willingly and quietly submitted to Abraham as head of the household. Be quiet and live it! Is that easy? No! Is it right? Yes! Why? Because God says it’s the way that works. It’s wisdom – doing what works.

The ways of the world and the ways of God’s kingdom are completely opposite to each other. The worldly way is to force other people to do what you want whether they like it or not. Use whatever it takes to make them do things your way. It may work by controlling your husband’s behaviour, but it only makes his heart harder and more resistant to the truth especially if you use the Bible as a weapon against him!

The kingdom’s way is to submit without a word, even if the demands are unjust. Absorb the wrong until the conscience of the wrongdoer is so activated that he is awakened to the truth through the example of his wife. You never know. He might just be won over by your being like Jesus. An example is better than a thousand words.

Scripture taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

 

STOP THE POWER STRUGGLE

Bible Study, ,

STOP THE POWER STRUGGLE

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything (Eph. 5:22-24).

God never intended marriage to be a power struggle between husbands and wives. In fact, He gave the pattern for marriage at the beginning. He made a man and a woman – the man from the dust and the woman from the man so that they would have the same flesh and be equal in their person and worth before God. He brought the woman to the man, who recognised her as the completion of himself just as male and female creatures completed each other in the natural world.

God taught them that, through their physical union, they would represent and reflect the unity between God the Father. God the Son and God the Holy Spirit in the Godhead.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Gen.2:24).

God intended that they live out a visual aid of unity in their permanent monogamous union. Before the fall and the intrusion of selfishness and sin, it was possible for these two perfect and sinless human beings to reflect the nature of God in their relationship with one another.

In every association of people there needs to be a leader – one who coordinates and shows the way for others to follow. Leadership is not about superiority but about function – creating cohesion and setting the example. God chose men to lead in the home. This is no way demeans or lowers the worth or dignity of any other member of the household. It puts the responsibility and accountability of the family to God, his Creator on the husband and father.

The role of leader in no way makes the husband a despot or the “boss”, like some sort of autocrat or dictator. Unfortunately, humankind in its worldly wisdom and rejection of God has set up a model which conflicts with God’s model of leadership and has turned many leaders into monsters who push people around at will.

God’s pattern for order in the home includes authority and submission – wives to husbands and children to fathers. However, order is much more than the wife kowtowing to the husband at the expense of her dignity and for the sake of peace. Husband and wife are equal partners in this union. The wife has a specific part to play, as does the husband.

The wife’s role is to submit to her husband as she submits to Christ as her head. She must trust him to hear, understand and interpret God’s will for their lives clearly and accurately. That does not mean that he makes arbitrary decisions but that he takes responsibility for the decisions they make together and leads the way in carrying them out in obedience to the Holy Spirit’s leading.

The wife also follows the husband’s lead in training their children in the ways of the Lord. She must uphold his authority in the home and stand with him in the day-to-day decisions he makes for his family, even if she does not agree with him. She must not contradict or undermine him in front of the children. She must not allow her children to manipulate her or her husband by playing the one off against the other.

Children are smart. They will quickly recognise the weak spots in their parents’ relationship and use them to their own advantage. Children can only learn their respective roles in life if their parents model what they are as male and female and what a husband and wife are in their relationship with and behaviour towards one another.

It is not the husband’s role or responsibility to demand submission from his wife. She will gladly submit to him, not if she is forced to but because she wants to obey the Lord and only if her husband fulfils his role as laid down in God’s Word. Harmony in the home only happens when each party falls in line with God’s pattern for marriage.

For the wife, God’s pattern is submission, reflecting His pattern for the church. There should never be confusion about the place of the church, or its leaders, in God’s plan. The church is the bride of Christ.  He is the head and she comes under His authority and protection as His beloved. He cares for her, provides for her, and protects her from the ravages of sin by setting the example and by leading the way to godly and holy living.

When the wife keeps her eyes on Jesus and follows His pattern of submission and obedience to the Father as a perfect son, she will set the tone, together with her husband of peace and togetherness in the family.

However, this is only half the story…

Scripture is taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Have you read my first book, Learning to be a Son – The Way to the Father’s Heart (Copyright © 2015, Partridge Publishing)? You’ll love it!

ISBN: Softcover – 978-1-4828-0512-3, eBook 978-4828-0511-6

Available on www.amazon.com in paperback, e-book or Kindle version, on www.takealot.com  or order directly from the publisher at www.partridgepublishing.com.

My second book, Learning to be a Disciple – The Way of the Master (Copyright © 2015, Partridge Publishing), a companion volume to Learning to be a Son – The Way to the Father’s Heart, has been released in paperback and digital format on www.amazon.com.