Ephesians 6:1-4 NLT
[1] “Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do. [2] “Honor your father and mother.” This is the first commandment with a promise: [3] If you honor your father and mother, “things will go well for you, and you will have a long life on the earth.”
Although Paul addresses children first in the family dynamic, it is the parent, especially the father, who needs to understand the goal towards which his fathering role is moving. Without a goal, raising godly children becomes a game of hit-and-miss, a minefield of mistakes resulting in conflict and rebellion.
We see this ‘warfare’ between parents and children in the best of families simply because parents are not aware of their role or goal in their children’s lives and because children have no idea what they are to become and why discipline must be applied to reach the goal. This battle of wills results in anger, resentment, and disharmony on both sides. Children believe that they have equal say in the choices and decisions they make. They think that they are little ‘adults’!
So, Paul clearly states the only goal of parenting… obedience. Why is obedience to parents so important? Obedience to authority is part of the cycle of life and is the only way to experience harmony in the home and in society.
We have increasing lawlessness today because the emphasis has shifted from submission to authority to the demand for ‘rights’ for everyone, including children and animals! Basic rights are good and must be protected but not at the expense of submission to legitimate authority.
Children will never know ‘the fear of the Lord’ until they learn, first, to respect and submit to parental authority and, later, to all other authorities. The fear of the Lord is the supreme purpose of obedience. As a child matures in knowledge and understanding, he must transfer obedience from his earthly father to his heavenly Father. He must learn this lesson early if he is to continue the cycle of harmony in his future family and in the families of his descendants.
There are two essential requirements for a child to grow up in a happy and secure environment; boundaries and blessing, both of which will protect him from insecurity… boundaries from foolish and destructive behaviour, and blessing from mistrust in himself and those he must respect and honour.
Parents set the boundaries, not their children, to protect children from self-destruction, not to restrict or prohibit them from growing by experience. Children learn from the consequences of their behaviour, both good and bad. Protecting them from consequences will rob them of the lessons that follow in adulthood. A life without consequences in early childhood leads to the dangerous mindset that nothing will happen to them regardless of what they do.
A father’s blessing reassures the child that he is accepted, affirmed, and adored in his father’s heart. This ‘blessing’ gives the child the confidence to face life against the backdrop of his family, knowing that he is accepted and loved for who he is, not for what he does.
We see the best example of a father’s blessing and the personal security it produced, in the life of Jesus. Before He ever stepped out onto the stage of public ministry, He needed two vital strategies.
- He needed confidence in the Father’s confidence in Him.
He received that blessing from the Father in an audible voice at His baptism, and that affirmation secured His passion to please the Father in all He said and did.
Luke 3:21-22 NLT
[21] “One day when the crowds were being baptized, Jesus himself was baptized. As he was praying, the heavens opened, [22] and the Holy Spirit, in bodily form, descended on him like a dove. And a voice from heaven said, “You are my dearly loved Son, and you bring me great joy.”
John 8:29 NLT
[29] And the one who sent me is with me—he has not deserted me. For I always do what pleases him.”
- He needed a strategy to fulfill His mission as Saviour of the world.
His strategy was cemented in His soul when the devil tempted Him to act independently of the Father. He chose to place Himself under the authority of the Father and His Word.
Luke 4:4 NLT
[4] But Jesus told him, “No! The Scriptures say, ‘People do not live by bread alone.’”
He chose to obey the Word of God in every situation because of His confidence in the Father. Therefore, He could testify repeatedly,
John 5:19-20a NLT
[19]… “I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself. He does only what he sees the Father doing. Whatever the Father does, the Son also does. [20] For the Father loves the Son and shows him everything he is doing….”
Hebrews 5:8-9 NLT
[8]” Even though Jesus was God’s Son, he learned obedience from the things he suffered. [9] In this way, God qualified him as a perfect High Priest, and he became the source of eternal salvation for all those who obey him.”
Obedience to parents, then, although it cuts across their natural bent towards evil, is the children’s pathway towards obedience to God’s Word and the promise of a long life, in the Old Covenant. Though this promise may not apply in the New Covenant because longevity is not necessarily part of God’s purpose for the individual, God sets obedience as a priority in every part of a person’s life.
The devil’s strategy, from the beginning, was to separate us from God’s authority and get us to act alone. This trend is cemented in a child’s life if he is allowed to get his own way.
Obedience to authority does not begin in adulthood. It begins when a baby takes its first breath. Authority applied lovingly, consistently, and purposefully, will achieve its goal. Godly children who honour their parents by showing respect and submitting to their authority, are the only building blocks of a stable society.
We see the painful consequences in our society where children have no active fathers in their lives and are left to plot their own course in life. The need for acceptance and belonging is so strong that, without the blessing of a loving father, even gangsterism is better than nothing.