Tag Archives: selfish

COMPARISON AND CONTEMPT

Philippians 2:3-4 NLT
[3] “Don’t be selfish; don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourselves. [4] Don’t look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others, too.”

Have you ever considered how often we either compare ourselves to other believers or we treat others with contempt because they are not like us? These are two subtle attitudes that belong strictly to our old self and have no place in the way we think of one another in God’s kingdom.

What happens to the fellowship if we, as believers in Jesus, allow the remnants of our old self to creep back into our thinking? We begin to erode our unity by allowing barriers of mistrust, pride, or insecurity, to separate our hearts.

Competition is very much a part of some congregations. Positions, office, titles, are big on their agenda. Some even invent an office that does not exist in Scripture, God’s “generals“ i.e., intercessors. Intercession is an integral part of all prayer, not a specific title given to some.

1 Timothy 2:1 NIV
[1]” I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people—”

What is the root of comparison or contempt? Once again, it’s the idol of self that imperceptibly replaces our pure worship of Jesus. Comparing ourselves with others means that we either see ourselves as better or worse than our fellow believers. We focus on our/their performance, gifts, or even the notion that we/they are superior in understanding God’s Word or receiving revelation or new insight into some truth of Scripture.

We think that seeing ourselves as less than another is humility. It isn’t! It’s an inverted form of pride. Whether we see ourselves as more or less than another, the focus is still on us! We keep looking at ourselves and want others to look at us too. When we put ourselves down in front of another, we are crying for approval and accolades.

We treat others with contempt to boost our own insecure morale. The more secure we are in God’s love for us, the less we need to elevate ourselves above others. Whether by comparison or contempt, we are constantly parading our need for the affirmation only God can give us. His approval, freely given to us because of Jesus, lays to rest all our need to put ourselves on display.

Ephesians 1:5-8 NLT
[5] “God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. [6] So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. [7] He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins. [8] He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.”

According to Paul’s adamant assertion, we have left these old attitudes behind and become brand new inside.

2 Corinthians 5:16-17 NLT
[16] “So, we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! [17] This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”

How can we overcome this subtle tendency to slide back into the self-awareness that parades itself in front of others? By comparison with the world’s ways, which is to nurture self with all its demands, our obligation in this new life is to put self to death through the Spirit’s power, by focusing our attention, first, on Jesus, and then on the interests and needs of others.

2 Corinthians 5:14-15 NLT
[14] “Either way, Christ’s love controls us. Since we believe that Christ died for all, we also believe that we have all died to our old life. [15] He died for everyone so that those who receive his new life will no longer live for themselves. Instead, they will live for Christ, who died and was raised for them.”

God has given us a powerful motivation for putting ourselves to death, not literally but in our attitude towards others. Jesus gave His life for us. He calls us, by His grace, to give our lives for others. We show our love for Him by responding to the needs of others.

No one needs comparison. We are all unique and equally loved. God has no favourites. His love, mercy, and grace are freely available for all people. No one needs contempt. Contempt only degrades us at another’s expense.

Everyone needs to know God’s love by experiencing it through us who represent Him by the way we treat them.

Paul’s solution is twofold…put off and put on. Like the used garments we take off at the end of the day, we deliberately and purposefully “put off” the soiled attitudes of self-awareness and self-absorption.

Putting off means replacing old attitudes with new attitudes, like Jesus’s attitude to us, with loving thoughts and actions towards others.

It’s a slow process. The old nature’s automatic reaction is to think badly of others. We are programmed towards alienation and hostility. The first step is to acknowledge the source of our thoughts. This thought is not of God.

Step two is to choose to think new thoughts of understanding and love. Put Jesus in the mix. What does He think of us, and of the person we downgrade? Do I need to put someone else down to elevate myself?

No, we are both unique and precious to God. We can rest comfortably in who we are in union with Jesus, holy and beloved, and we can allow others to be who they are without judging them, their words, or behaviour. That prerogative belongs to Jesus alone.

What a big step towards the answer to Jesus prayer! We are already one in Him. Let’s live it out for His glory.

WHY DO CHRISTIAN MARRIAGES FAIL?

Nowadays, Christian marriages, it seems, are just as vulnerable to failure as marriage contracts between people who have no allegiance to Jesus. Why is this so?

There are many factors that influence the way people view marriage today. Much of the time, marriage is an unpopular state because divorce is anticipated, inevitable breakup is costly, time consuming, and often messy, involving conflicts and heartache, especially when it comes to the wellbeing of children.

So, why get married? If we “shack up”, it’s much easier to go our separate ways if we don’t get on. It won’t involve the legal battles and the cost associated with divorce. And the kids? We’ll try to do our best for them….under the circumstances!

But what does does God say about marriage? After all, marriage is His idea. He set it up in the beginning and told us why we should enter into a permanent and legally binding contract with one person for life.

God’s blueprint for marriage is simple and clear.

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2:23‭-‬24‬ ‭NLT‬
[23] “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” [24] This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

So much symbolism is in this statement!

Hebrew “etsem” means bone, substance, or the same.

The woman, taken from the man, was of the the same substance as the man.

Hebrew “basar” means, flesh, body, person,

The woman has the same body as a man. She is also equally a person.

Hebrew “ishsha” means woman or wife. Hebrew “ish” means man or husband, from the same root.

The wife is of the same essence or substance as her husband.

Hebrew “azab” means leave, forsake, loose.

The man shall loose himself from parental bonds and create a new bond with his wife.

Hebrew “dabak” means cling to, cleave, keep close.

The man shall cling to his wife and hold her close.

Hebrew “echad” meaning one (the same word used to describe the unity between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit).

Their purpose is to work at creating a unity that resembles the unity in the Godhead.

These Hebrew words describe the pattern God set for marriage from the beginning. The sexual union is God’s way of expressing and cementing the union that most clearly reflects the nature of God. The seeds sown in a sexual union produce the fruit that must pass on the purpose and pattern of marriage to the next generation.

Above all other reasons for marriage is God’s desire that the bond forged between a man and a woman should resemble and reflect the bond (unity – echad) between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the godhead. You see, God is a family, an interactive, integrated, harmonious unit of three persons who always love, respect and submit to one another. God’s design for human families is to be on earth what the three-in-one God is in heaven.

Part of Jesus’ mission to earth was to show human beings how to live in union with the Father. The writer to the Hebrews said of Him,

‭Hebrews‬ ‭5:7, 8 NIV‬
[7] “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.
[8]”Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered…”

Jesus Himself testified to His love, trust, submission, and obedience to the Father throughout His earthly life. He also spoke of His intimate connection with the Holy Spirit.

The big issue is, once again for humans, the sin nature with which both husband and wife are born. As new creatures in Christ, it is the obligation of believing husband and wife to put the old nature to death through the power of the Holy Spirit in them. Every failed Christian marriage is a failure to allow the Holy Spirit to direct their lives.

Paul said bluntly,

‭‭Romans‬ ‭8:12‭-‬13‬ ‭NIV‬
[12] Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. [13] For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”

Paul also gave us a simple pattern for every marriage that will grow in unity if both husband and wife understand and fulfil their role in dependence in the Holy Spirit.

‭Ephesians‬ ‭5:22‭-‬27, 31-‬32 ‭NIV‬
[22] Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
[23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, and his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless…..
[31] “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”

So, dear readers, marriage is not about legalised sex, making each other happy, meeting one another’s needs, creating a family, a covenant of companionship, or any other human reason.

Marriage is about becoming one as a picture on earth of God’s family in heaven. This goal requiress the death of self with all its ugly departments and demands, seeking instead the same goal together in humility and mutual submission, with forgiveness and understanding the foundation of harmony. This harmony can only work if both are committed to same goal.

Any other goal is bound to fail because God only supports and empowers those who choose to do His will.

Imagine what the home and the church would be like if every Christian couple would seriously and purposefully work towards unity. By putting to death their selfishness, and by living under the leadership and control of the Holy Spirit, they would show the world who God really is!

Prayer: Lesson 7 – Problems With Prayer

LESSON 7

PROBLEMS WITH PRAYER

INTRODUCTION

Prayer has many facets to it. Both the Old and the New Testaments are full of examples of people’s prayers. Unfortunately the Bible is not a manual for prayer. We have to glean our understanding from people’s experiences and God’s responses.

It is easy to misunderstand prayer because, as human beings, we do not find it easy to understand how and why we should communicate with Someone we cannot see and who does not communicate with us in an audible voice.

We tend to think of prayer as communicating with God on the same level as we communicate with one another. We have probably been taught that prayer is talking to God – in a sort of one-way monologue that does not expect a response and doe not understand how to interpret the responses we may get from Him.

Prayer is a learned experience

Even Jesus’ disciples, having watched and listened to Him praying many times, asked Him to teach them to pray. Listening and speaking to God takes practice. If you find it difficult in the beginning, don’t give up. Learning to communicate with God is worth the time and effort you put into it.

We can’t possibly deal with all the problems we encounter in prayer. We can only highlight a few of the main ones under the following categories:

1. PROBLEMS WITH OURSELVES

Speaking to an unseen Being

Until we get used to the idea that God is real and He is as near to us as our breath, speaking to someone we can’t see feels foolish. It takes practice to become God-conscious. Proverbs 3:6 is good counsel to help us develop an awareness of God.

“In all your ways acknowledge Him…”

Hearing the sound of your voice

Praying aloud will help you with the problem of a wandering mind. It may be difficult to do in the beginning because you may feel silly talking aloud when there is no other visible person there.

Praying the Psalms aloud will help you get used to hearing your own voice.

Dealing with a wandering mind

Reading Scripture, especially the Psalms, as well as verbalising your thoughts will help you to concentrate.

It is good to have a notebook and pen with you to write down anything that is taking your attention away from God that you can deal with later.

Being selfish and self-centred

Discipline yourself to start with setting your mind on God. No matter how pressing your need might be, keep in mind that God is with you, that He is good and that He is in charge. There is no situation outside of His control and care.

Go back to Jesus’ pattern prayer. Begin with “Our Father…”

Humility and honesty

Humility is not about feeling like a worm before God. It is about taking your rightful place before Him. You are both a created being and a son.

Don’t tell God what you think He wants to hear. Be honest. Tell Him how you feel, what you think and what you believe. He can work with that.

Prayer is more about changing you than changing your circumstances. Your circumstances change and your needs are met as you are being formed into the image of Jesus.

“And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect (contemplate) the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into His likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord who is the Spirit .“ 2 Corinthians 3:18 (NIV).

Question: Discuss some of the problems you face with prayer relating to yourself as a human being.

2. PROBLEMS WITH GOD

Praying to the wrong god

It is possible to pray to the wrong god if our concept of God comes from our imagination and not from the Bible.

The God of the Bible is the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the God Jesus mirrored in His life.

Use the Scriptures to develop your understanding of who God is. Read passages like Ezekiel 1; Isaiah 6; And Revelation 1:12-18; 4:1-11

Having a wrong expectation of God

We can become disappointed and disillusioned with God if our expectations are shaped by what we learn from others and not by what the Bible teaches. Too much of our “faith” is trusting God “for” something instead of trusting God, full stop.

Be careful of the faith teachings that take Scripture out of context and expect God to do what you demand because you try to hold God to His word. That is manipulation, not faith.

Having a wrong perspective about God’s will

God has a plan for you but His plan is subject to His bigger plan for His kingdom to be established on earth. His will for you is much more about shaping your character than about making you comfortable.

Being a son means being in submission and obedient to Him regardless of what you want.

Question: Explore the possibility that your unanswered prayers relate to your wrong concepts of God and His will.

3. PROBLEMS WITH PRAYER

We can pray sinful prayers

If our prayers arise out of the consequences of our disobedience.

“The Lord said to Joshua, ‘Stand up! What are you doing on your face? Israel has sinned.’” Joshua 10:10,11a

God had instructed the Israelites to destroy everything in Jericho. Achan disobeyed and brought disaster on the whole nation. Joshua’s praying was unacceptable to God. The solution to the problem was to get rid of the offender.

We can pray presumptuous prayers

Job prayed many presumptuous prayers. It was the philosophy of his day that God blesses the righteous and punishes the wicked. Because his experience did not fit his philosophy, he challenged God because he believed he was righteous and therefore his suffering was unjust.

God responded by answering him, not in quiet, sympathetic voice, but in a whirlwind and storm, challenging him to be God.

“The Lord said to Job, ‘Will the one who contends with the Almighty correct Him? Let him who accuses God answer Him.’” Job 40:1,2 (NIV).

God had to strip Job down to nothing until he realised that, though he thought he knew God, he knew nothing.

“‘My ears had heard of you but now my eyes have seen you. Therefore I despise myself and repent in dust and ashes.’” Job 42:5,6 (NIV).

We can pray selfish prayers

God is gracious and generous but He does not pamper us or encourage small-minded and selfish prayers. He wants us to learn to see beyond our own needs to the needs of those around us, to pray for one another and to what we can to meet other people’s needs so that others in turn can meet ours.

“You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives that you may spend what you get on your pleasures .” James 4:2b,3 (NIV).

“And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests,. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.” Ephesians 6:18 (NIV).

Question: In what ways do you pray prayers that God cannot answer?

CONCLUSION

1. Prayer is simple but it is not easy.

2. God deals with us as His sons and daughters.

3. Prayer is about putting God and His kingdom in their correct perspective.

4. Prayer is about getting God’s will done on earth so that His glory is put on display.

5. When we pray according to God’s will, He hears us.

6. When we are more concerned about God and others, He will take care of all our needs.