Nowadays, Christian marriages, it seems, are just as vulnerable to failure as marriage contracts between people who have no allegiance to Jesus. Why is this so?
There are many factors that influence the way people view marriage today. Much of the time, marriage is an unpopular state because divorce is anticipated, inevitable breakup is costly, time consuming, and often messy, involving conflicts and heartache, especially when it comes to the wellbeing of children.
So, why get married? If we “shack up”, it’s much easier to go our separate ways if we don’t get on. It won’t involve the legal battles and the cost associated with divorce. And the kids? We’ll try to do our best for them….under the circumstances!
But what does does God say about marriage? After all, marriage is His idea. He set it up in the beginning and told us why we should enter into a permanent and legally binding contract with one person for life.
God’s blueprint for marriage is simple and clear.
Genesis 2:23-24 NLT
[23] “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” [24] This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”
So much symbolism is in this statement!
Hebrew “etsem” means bone, substance, or the same.
The woman, taken from the man, was of the the same substance as the man.
Hebrew “basar” means, flesh, body, person,
The woman has the same body as a man. She is also equally a person.
Hebrew “ishsha” means woman or wife. Hebrew “ish” means man or husband, from the same root.
The wife is of the same essence or substance as her husband.
Hebrew “azab” means leave, forsake, loose.
The man shall loose himself from parental bonds and create a new bond with his wife.
Hebrew “dabak” means cling to, cleave, keep close.
The man shall cling to his wife and hold her close.
Hebrew “echad” meaning one (the same word used to describe the unity between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit).
Their purpose is to work at creating a unity that resembles the unity in the Godhead.
These Hebrew words describe the pattern God set for marriage from the beginning. The sexual union is God’s way of expressing and cementing the union that most clearly reflects the nature of God. The seeds sown in a sexual union produce the fruit that must pass on the purpose and pattern of marriage to the next generation.
Above all other reasons for marriage is God’s desire that the bond forged between a man and a woman should resemble and reflect the bond (unity – echad) between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit in the godhead. You see, God is a family, an interactive, integrated, harmonious unit of three persons who always love, respect and submit to one another. God’s design for human families is to be on earth what the three-in-one God is in heaven.
Part of Jesus’ mission to earth was to show human beings how to live in union with the Father. The writer to the Hebrews said of Him,
Hebrews 5:7, 8 NIV
[7] “During the days of Jesus’ life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with fervent cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission.
[8]”Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered…”
Jesus Himself testified to His love, trust, submission, and obedience to the Father throughout His earthly life. He also spoke of His intimate connection with the Holy Spirit.
The big issue is, once again for humans, the sin nature with which both husband and wife are born. As new creatures in Christ, it is the obligation of believing husband and wife to put the old nature to death through the power of the Holy Spirit in them. Every failed Christian marriage is a failure to allow the Holy Spirit to direct their lives.
Paul said bluntly,
Romans 8:12-13 NIV
[12] Therefore, brothers and sisters, we have an obligation—but it is not to the flesh, to live according to it. [13] For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live.”
Paul also gave us a simple pattern for every marriage that will grow in unity if both husband and wife understand and fulfil their role in dependence in the Holy Spirit.
Ephesians 5:22-27, 31-32 NIV
[22] Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.
[23] For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, and his body, of which he is the Savior. [24] Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. [25] Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her [26] to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, [27] and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless…..
[31] “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” [32] This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.”
So, dear readers, marriage is not about legalised sex, making each other happy, meeting one another’s needs, creating a family, a covenant of companionship, or any other human reason.
Marriage is about becoming one as a picture on earth of God’s family in heaven. This goal requiress the death of self with all its ugly departments and demands, seeking instead the same goal together in humility and mutual submission, with forgiveness and understanding the foundation of harmony. This harmony can only work if both are committed to same goal.
Any other goal is bound to fail because God only supports and empowers those who choose to do His will.
Imagine what the home and the church would be like if every Christian couple would seriously and purposefully work towards unity. By putting to death their selfishness, and by living under the leadership and control of the Holy Spirit, they would show the world who God really is!