Tag Archives: husbands

STOP THE POWER STRUGGLE

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STOP THE POWER STRUGGLE

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, of which He is the Saviour. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything (Eph. 5:22-24).

God never intended marriage to be a power struggle between husbands and wives. In fact, He gave the pattern for marriage at the beginning. He made a man and a woman – the man from the dust and the woman from the man so that they would have the same flesh and be equal in their person and worth before God. He brought the woman to the man, who recognised her as the completion of himself just as male and female creatures completed each other in the natural world.

God taught them that, through their physical union, they would represent and reflect the unity between God the Father. God the Son and God the Holy Spirit in the Godhead.

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh (Gen.2:24).

God intended that they live out a visual aid of unity in their permanent monogamous union. Before the fall and the intrusion of selfishness and sin, it was possible for these two perfect and sinless human beings to reflect the nature of God in their relationship with one another.

In every association of people there needs to be a leader – one who coordinates and shows the way for others to follow. Leadership is not about superiority but about function – creating cohesion and setting the example. God chose men to lead in the home. This is no way demeans or lowers the worth or dignity of any other member of the household. It puts the responsibility and accountability of the family to God, his Creator on the husband and father.

The role of leader in no way makes the husband a despot or the “boss”, like some sort of autocrat or dictator. Unfortunately, humankind in its worldly wisdom and rejection of God has set up a model which conflicts with God’s model of leadership and has turned many leaders into monsters who push people around at will.

God’s pattern for order in the home includes authority and submission – wives to husbands and children to fathers. However, order is much more than the wife kowtowing to the husband at the expense of her dignity and for the sake of peace. Husband and wife are equal partners in this union. The wife has a specific part to play, as does the husband.

The wife’s role is to submit to her husband as she submits to Christ as her head. She must trust him to hear, understand and interpret God’s will for their lives clearly and accurately. That does not mean that he makes arbitrary decisions but that he takes responsibility for the decisions they make together and leads the way in carrying them out in obedience to the Holy Spirit’s leading.

The wife also follows the husband’s lead in training their children in the ways of the Lord. She must uphold his authority in the home and stand with him in the day-to-day decisions he makes for his family, even if she does not agree with him. She must not contradict or undermine him in front of the children. She must not allow her children to manipulate her or her husband by playing the one off against the other.

Children are smart. They will quickly recognise the weak spots in their parents’ relationship and use them to their own advantage. Children can only learn their respective roles in life if their parents model what they are as male and female and what a husband and wife are in their relationship with and behaviour towards one another.

It is not the husband’s role or responsibility to demand submission from his wife. She will gladly submit to him, not if she is forced to but because she wants to obey the Lord and only if her husband fulfils his role as laid down in God’s Word. Harmony in the home only happens when each party falls in line with God’s pattern for marriage.

For the wife, God’s pattern is submission, reflecting His pattern for the church. There should never be confusion about the place of the church, or its leaders, in God’s plan. The church is the bride of Christ.  He is the head and she comes under His authority and protection as His beloved. He cares for her, provides for her, and protects her from the ravages of sin by setting the example and by leading the way to godly and holy living.

When the wife keeps her eyes on Jesus and follows His pattern of submission and obedience to the Father as a perfect son, she will set the tone, together with her husband of peace and togetherness in the family.

However, this is only half the story…

Scripture is taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

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Husband, Be A Real Man

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HUSBAND, BE A REAL MAN

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers. (1 Peter 3:7)

The Bible teaches God’s people to live their lives from a different perspective from those who will have nothing to do with God. The worldly attitude is: exploit the weak because they cannot defend themselves so you can take advantage of them and get what you want. Isn’t that the attitude behind abortion?

A defenceless child, living in the environment which should be the safest place on earth for that period of its life, is torn apart and thrown out with the trash at the whim of the mother because it has no power to defend itself. Small children are abducted, raped and murdered by ruthless men, and their cries and terror go unheeded. A wife is abused, beaten and terrorised unmercifully because she is the weaker partner and cannot defend herself against a bully.

God’s ways are just the opposite. The strong are to protect the weak, not to abuse them because they can. God is the protector of the widow, the orphan, the poor and needy. He is a Father to the fatherless and a husband to the widow. Jesus looked out for the defenceless and came to their aid – He healed the sick, raised the dead, fed the hungry, comforted the sorrowing and forgave the sinner. His attention and love were always focused on the most vulnerable people in society and He fiercely defended them against spiritual bullies.

It is the role of a husband, then, as his wife’s partner, to use his strength not to exploit her but to protect her. She is the weaker partner, not in mind and intelligence but in physical strength. Unlike some sections of society who saw their wives as their property or as lesser beings to be used and abused at will, a husband was to respect his wife as an equal partner with him, a person created in the image of God. She had the right to dignity and respect in the same way as any other human being.

Of course, there is a higher reason for a husband to harness his strength to protect his wife and not to abuse and exploit her (and his children for that matter). They are equal partners in a gift that can only comes from God – the gift of eternal life. Every believer in Jesus is a son or daughter of God. They are equally precious to Him as His family members. Any attitude of superiority is abhorrent to Him and alienates that one from Him.

Every son and daughter has a role to play in His kingdom. Each one is a co-ruler with Christ, seated with Him in the heavenly realms and co-operating with Him to carry out His will on earth. Prayer is one of God’s ways of strengthening the relationship with His son or daughter so that His will will be done through him or her. A superior attitude and unacceptable behaviour cuts a person off from fellowship with God. Prayers are hindered and God’s will consequently not done in that life.

Both godly and ungodly behaviour sets off a chain reaction in the world. In the midst of an ungodly society, Peter explained to his readers that God’s way is the way of restraint and self-control. Just as selfishness degrades and destroys, so unselfishness promotes the health and wellbeing of one another. By taking care of one another’s needs, they benefit themselves and the whole family.

What a witness to a world that does not know God when a husband loves his wife and treats her with consideration and respect! How refreshing to witness a wife living in unresisting submission to her husband so that their partnership is one of unity and harmony instead of constant bickering and conflict.

Marriages fall apart when one or both partners are so self-centred that they are willing to destroy their home rather than put their spouse’s interests above their own. The miracle of the new life Jesus gives is that once selfish and self-centred human beings are able to set themselves and their wants aside for the wellbeing of the other.

When each one seeks to build unity rather than self-satisfaction, fulfilling his or her role as God intended, marriage becomes a picture of the unity in the Godhead and the unity in the universe that reflects the nature of God. God’s intention for marriage is that, through mutual submission, harmony in the home and the sexual union of marriage partners, His glory would be mirrored to the world.

Husbands and wives, play your part in the power of the Holy Spirit and you will undoubtedly be putting God’s glory on display!

Scripture taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

 

Harmony In The Household

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HARMONY IN THE HOUSEHOLD

Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to curry their favour, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord (Col. 3: 18-22).

‘As members of one body you were called to peace.’ This was Paul’s conviction about life in the body of Christ. Peace is only achieved when each individual submits to a collective will and is more concerned for the well-being of the others than for himself.

Likewise, in the family, harmony can only come about in the atmosphere of mutual submission. However, someone has to initiate the harmony that should characterise a household that represents the body of Christ. In Paul’s book, the person to initiate the harmony is the one in charge – the husband and father of the family.

Why must wives submit to their husbands? Is he the boss? Does he have the right to call the shots and expect everyone to jump? Not according to Paul. He expanded on his prescription for a harmonious household in his letter to the Ephesian church. The pivot around which everything turns is the husband’s love for his wife. He is to love his wife as Jesus loved the church.

Of course, that does not mean that Jesus sat in an arm chair and ordered His followers around. Quite the contrary! He loved His ‘bride’ enough to give His life for her. Jesus modelled a servant heart during His earthly life. This was His take:

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many (Mark 10: 45).

It is far easier to submit to someone who has a servant heart than a person who lords it over others. A true husband and father is one who serves his family rather than one who rules with an iron fist.

How difficult is it for a wife to submit to a husband who loves her and shows his love by taking care of her needs? This is the essence of true love – meeting the needs of others at one’s own expense. Love is the oil that keeps the household functioning smoothly. If selfishness rules rather than love, the atmosphere will quickly become toxic as each one strives to get his own way.

What about children? Obedience is God’s first and only requirement for children in a family. Once again, however, God does not demand blind obedience because that would contribute nothing towards creating a family unit. Fathers must initiate the environment in which it is easy for children to obey their parents. Commands that reflect a father’s capricious demands produce rebellion, not compliance and fracture that love that holds the family together.

How do slaves (or servants) fit into the household? Are they part of it or are they just cogs in a machine? What part do they play in the life of a family? In this family, which Paul sees as representing a Christ-controlled family, the servants play an important part. They are as much a part of serving one another as the husband, wife and children are, but even more so. Their serving is not voluntary but obligatory. What counts is why they do it and the way they do it.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be paid for their wrongs, and there is no favouritism (Col. 3: 23-25).

How sad that believers are often no better than unbelievers in the world of work and business! What a witness for Jesus when they do their work as unto the Lord and with a heart of true worship!

Unity, in the end, is about submitting ourselves to one another and serving one another out of reverence for Christ, whether it be in the church, in the home or in the workplace. This is the only way in which society will ever really work.

Scripture taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.