In the Christian life, there are two things that are not in our job description…judging and controlling others. How often we hear, in the many discussions about the goings-on in our country…the investigations about political interference…that police and politicians must “stay in their lane”…that is…they must only operate within their legitimate structures. 

This is also true of our lives as God’s children. 

At the beginning of creation, God gave humans the mandate to rule over the earth as His authorised representatives…to manage the earth and its creatures but…never to rule over one another. He gave the woman to the man as an equal partner. Together, they would populate the earth…fill it with people who would work together to organise a functional planet. 

What went wrong?

The pair changed allegiance…from God’s rule to self-rule…and, under Satanic influence, and with the change, came chaos. One of the first changes was a shift in the original authority structure…from equal partnership to unequal dominance. This shift was not God’s plan. It was a consequence. 

Why? Was it because Eve did something “outside of her lane”? She took the initiative to mislead her husband. The instruction not to eat from the “tree of good and evil” was given to Adam. The temptation to defy God’s instruction came to Eve. 

Eve did not refer the serpent’s alluring offer to her husband as her partner. She acted independently. Did God change the chain of command… enforce Adam’s authority over Eve by placing her under him instead beside him because she stepped outside of her lane?

“To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭3‬:‭16‬ ‭NIV‬‬

However we view this consequence, God changed the architecture of this relationship in the context of marriage as a result of their defection. From the Hebrew words, it seems that God purposefully put the woman under the thumb of her husband. However, it was not God’s deliberate purpose but sin’s consequence that caused this rupture in the marriage relationship. 

“In Genesis 3:16, the phrase “your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you” describes a fractured relational dynamic resulting from the human fall into sin. The Hebrew word for desire (teshuqa) and the word for rule (mashal) point to an internal power struggle and an adversarial dynamic within marriage.” (Source: Google AI)

God’s blueprint for marriage was clearly stated when He made Eve out of Adam. He took the woman out of the man physically and gave her back to him emotionally, psychologically, and sexually to become one…a new one, “echad”…as God is “echad”…one. 

“The man said, “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman,’ for she was taken out of man.” That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.”

‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2‬:‭23‬-‭24‬ ‭NIV‬‬

The Hebrew word “basar”, translated “flesh”, has the idea of a fresh kind or species.  Adam was one…single, alone. Then God took Eve out of Adam, gave her back to him, and made them “one…echad” a “fresh kind”. Their inseparable, unified life together was a picture of God.

What sin broke, Jesus restored. With renewed hearts and spirits, He calls us back to what God made this partnership to be in the beginning. 

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭22‬-‭28‬, ‭31‬-‭33‬ ‭NIV‬‬

God also introduced a new dynamic into this marriage partnership…The oneness in marriage has a new foundation…a new motivation…a new model… and a new meaning… the relationship between Jesus Christ and His church. 

In this interaction, the “lanes” are very clear. The wife is both an equal partner under the headship of her husband but only as the second-in-command.  She honours (gives him weight), and respects his person and his role…

“In the Bible, respect means giving honor, high value, and deep recognition to the worth of God and other people. It is tied to love and humility. The Bible commands believers to respect all humans because God made everyone in His image.”

In turn, the husband sacrificially serves his wife as Jesus served and gave His life for His church. 

Within the boundaries of the New Covenant, the lanes are clearly defined and…when they are honoured and adhered to…order in the home and in society are restored. 

Giving weight to, that is, honour and respect, to one another’s person and role in the marriage relationship has spinoffs in the home and in society. “Staying in one’s lane” also means giving one another the right to make choices and decisions without intrusion, coercion, or manipulation. 

Control is a leftover from the brokenness of Eden. Jesus removed that impulse to control by giving us back our place and privilege in His kingdom. Each of us is a free agent living under God’s authority and accountable to Him, not primarily to one another. 

“For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.”

‭‭Romans‬ ‭14‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭NIV‬‬

If these “lanes” were truly and faithfully honoured (given “weight”) in our relationships, we would be going a long way towards a more peaceful and harmonious society. 

Let’s begin in our homes and in our church family.