There seems to be confusion, in our understanding of the Christian life, between relationship and fellowship. What do I mean?
How many families on earth have many members in a family relationship, husbands and wives, parents and children, siblings and siblings, aunts and uncles, cousins, etc., and yet they have little or no heart connection with one another. They have relationships but no fellowship. They live together but don’t communicate. They speak but don’t listen.
Once a couple has married, they are legally bound together in a relationship no matter what happens in their home. Children born of that marriage are sons and daughters and can never be “un-born”, no matter how they behave. Even if they no longer live together for whatever reason, they remain in a family relationship. They are always children of their biological parents.
However, fellowship between family members is different. Fellowship means that they are mentally and emotionally connected. They do life together. They share common experiences, interests, and goals. They have empathy and concern for one another. They function as a unit. They quickly correct what goes wrong to keep peace and harmony in the family. Most of all, they respect the order of authority and submission that maintains the function of those who belong to each other.
So it is with people and God. We are assured of a relationship with Him when we believe in Jesus. He receives us into His family permanently, and changes our status from slave to son. The Bible calls this miraculous transformation “adoption”.
Ephesians 1:4-5 NLT
[4] “Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. [5] God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure.”
God planned our adoption in eternity and made it happen through Jesus who reconciled us to the Father through His death. The Holy Spirit in us confirms our status as sons by His inner witness.
Romans 8:15-16 NLT
[15] “So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” [16] For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children.”
Does this mean that we can never be “unborn”? In the spiritual sense, I think so.
However, just as it is in a human family, relationship does not mean or guarantee fellowship. Relationship is established once-for-all and is permanent. Fellowship must be maintained by day-by-day attention to the attitudes and behaviour that govern our fellowship.
In John’s first letter, he helps us understand what promotes, and holds fellowship together.
1 John 1:1-3, 5-7 NLT
[1] “We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the Word of life. [2] This one who is life itself was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that he is the one who is eternal life. He was with the Father, and then he was revealed to us. [3] We proclaim to you what we ourselves have actually seen and heard so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ….
[5] This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. [6] So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. [7] But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin.”
Let’s examine, step by step, what John says about fellowship.
To have fellowship with the Father and with His children is a process, beginning in eternity and unfolding in time for every individual who enters this unseen realm by faith.
First, fellowship with God and with one another in God’s family has a beginning in time in the new birth, based on the solid foundation of truth. We can only have fellowship with each other if our relationship is based on common faith in what God has done for us.
John assures his readers that he, (with his fellow disciples, obviously), had personal experience of Jesus who was a real flesh-and-blood human with whom they lived for several years. They saw Him die and rise again. Their faith in Him was based on solid evidence.
Their common faith, then, had a strong foundation on reliable fact. From that fact, they experienced the spiritual reality of new birth, and received new hearts that enabled them to have new relationships with one another.
All believers are now brothers and sisters in God’s eternal family. Human divisions and distinctions fall away and a new species has come into being. We are a new creation and all one in Christ.
2 Corinthians 5:16-17 NLT
[16] “So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! [17] This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”
Galatians 3:26-29 NLT
[26]” For you are all children of God through faith in Christ Jesus. [27] And all who have been united with Christ in baptism have put on Christ, like putting on new clothes. [28] There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. [29] And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children of Abraham. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.”
It is this new relationship in God’s family with the common bond of faith in Jesus, love for one another, and common interest in God’s kingdom that constitutes the common life we share in God’s kingdom.
This relationship of family members in God’s family gives each member an opportunity and a responsibility to cultivate fellowship on a deeper level than in an average human family. Membership in God’s family adds a dimension not necessessarily present in a human family, that of relationship with God the Father and the Son, cultivated and maintained through the Holy Spirit in them.
Since we have the foundation, a new life based on truth and held together by God’s love working in and through us, we now have the reason and opportunity for true fellowship. Through God’s power working in us, He has set up this fellowship which is now up to us to maintain throughout our lives.
How do we maintain this fellowship?
John gives us two simple criteria for maintaining fellowship with the Father and with one another.
1 John 1:5-9 NLT
[5] “This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. [6] So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. [7] But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, cleanses us from all sin. [8] If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. [9] But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
Our fellowship with one another depends on our fellowship with God, the Trinity which we maintain by “living in the light”. What does living or walking in the light mean? Since God’s Word is …
Psalms 119:105 NLT
[105]”…a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.”
We live in the light by adhering to the requirements of the New Covenant. Again, it’s John who clarifies these requirements (which summarise and replace all 613 laws of the Old Covenant).
1 John 3:23-24 NLT
[23] “And this is his commandment: We must believe in the name of his Son, Jesus Christ, and love one another, just as he commanded us. [24] Those who obey God’s commandments remain in fellowship with him, and he with them. And we know he lives in us because the Spirit he gave us lives in us.”
Do you get it?
Fellowship with the Father is the foundation of our fellowship with one another. To maintain this fellowship, walking in the light with God must extend to walking in the light with one another. This kind of life demands all the grace God provides for living in a loving relationship of caring and sharing without hidden motives and dishonest attitudes which is initiated and maintained as we obey the Holy Spirit in us.
So, Paul counsels…
Colossians 3:5-15 NLT
[5] “Put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Have nothing to do with sexual immorality, impurity, lust, and evil desires. Don’t be greedy, for a greedy person is an idolater, worshiping the things of this world. [6] Because of these sins, the anger of God is coming. [7] You used to do these things when your life was still part of this world. [8] But now is the time to get rid of anger, rage, malicious behavior, slander, and dirty language. [9] Don’t lie to each other, for you have stripped off your old sinful nature and all its wicked deeds. [10] Put on your new nature, and be renewed as you learn to know your Creator and become like him. [11] In this new life, it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us. [12] Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. [13] Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others. [14] Above all, clothe yourselves with love, which binds us all together in perfect harmony. [15] And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.”
In the atmosphere of transparency, genuine love functions in harmony, togetherness flourishes, and fellowship happens.
God’s goal for His children is to cultivate this fellowship, flowing from love and unity, in the body of Christ, because this is the witness to the truth of Jesus’ life and death that is the power of the gospel.
John 13:35 NLT
[35] “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.”
John 17:22-23 NLT
[22] “I have given them the glory you gave me, so they may be one as we are one. [23] I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.”
So, fellowship is the fruit of our relationship with God, and relationship as His sons and daughters in His forever family, the root of our fellowship with God and one another.