2. HEBREW COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE

Step 1 – The Choice – lachah

The first step for the prospective bridegroom was to choose his bride-to-be and to declare that he had chosen her. The word he used to alert her that he had chosen her was lachah – “I want to make you mine.”

Before God delivered Israel from Egypt He spoke to the Israelites through Moses, informing them that He had chosen them to be His own people – wedding talk!

“I will take you as my own people and I will be your God.” Exodus 6:7

Step 2 – The Declaration of Intent – segulah

The next step was the declaration of intent which followed a period of courtship. 

When the Israelites reached Mount Sinai, God declared His intention to marry them in the words used by every Hebrew man who was courting a young woman – segula – “I want to make you my treasured possession.”

God courted them during their sojourn in the desert. He was with them, He covered them, provided for them, led them and showed them His love in every way possible. Now He indicated His desire to marry them.

“Now if you obey me fully and keep my covenant, then out of all the nations you will be my treasured possession.” Exodus 19:6

Step 3 – The Preparation – mikvah

The third step was to prepare for the betrothal. This took place in two parts: mikvah – washing; ketubah – the marriage covenant.

Two days before the betrothal, the bride-to-be was required go through the ceremony of ritual purification by washing – mikvah – in preparation for the setting up of the marriage covenant and the proposal which would take place on the third day.

“And the Lord said to Moses, ‘Go to the people and consecrate them today and tomorrow. Have them wash their clothes and have them ready by the third day, because on that day the Lord will come down on Mount Sinai in the sight of all the people.’” Exodus 19:10.

Step 4 – The Marriage Covenant – ketubah

What is a ketubah? “A Jewish legal marriage document with a legacy spanning two thousand years. It is typically signed before the wedding ceremony by the couple and at least two witnesses.

(http://www.interfaithfamily.com/life_cycle/weddings/The_Jewish_Marriage_Contract_(Ketubah).shtml)

“The content of the ketubah is in essence a one-way contract that formalizes the various requirements by Halakha (Jewish law) of a Jewish husband vis à vis his wife. The Jewish husband takes upon himself in the ketubah the obligation that he will provide to his wife three major things: clothing, food and conjugal relations, and also that he will pay her a pre-specified amount of cash in the case of a divorce. Thus the content of the ketubah essentially dictates security and protection for the woman, and her rights in the marriage.”

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ketubah)

God’s ketubah was recorded on two tablets of stone and written by the finger of God. It provided the boundaries within which the marriage relationship would be carried out, which we call the Ten Commandments. The Hebrew meaning is “Ten Words” which is a technical term for covenant stipulations. The rest of the Law found in Leviticus is a fleshing out of these ten words. 

After the signing of the ketubah, the bridegroom would formally propose to his bride and she would reply in these words, “When will you come for me?” He would respond, “I go to prepare a place for you and when my father approves of the bridal chamber, I will come again and receive you to myself that where I am, you may be also.” Does this sound familiar?

Betrothal

This was followed by the betrothal period. Both bride and groom had preparations to make for the wedding. The bride was to prepare herself by separating herself from all other men to belong exclusively to her husband and by preparing her wedding gown (her righteous deeds). The bridegroom was to prepare the bridal chamber for the consummation of their marriage.

Once the ketubah was signed, betrothal was as legally binding as marriage itself.  Hence Joseph decided to “divorce” Mary for her apparent unfaithfulness although they were not yet married.

Step 5 – The Consummation

When the bridal chamber was complete and met with his father’s approval, the bridegroom would return to claim his bride and take her back to his home where the wedding ceremony would take place.

The wedding ceremony would be conducted under a canopy called the chuppah. After the ceremony was over, the bride and groom would be escorted to the bridal chamber. The bridegroom would pick up (rapture) his bride and carry her over the threshold of the bridal chamber where they would consummate their marriage under a canopy which was a talith – prayer shawl – mounted on poles over the bed, symbolising the presence of God.

“Mount Sinai was covered with smoke, because the Lord descended on it in fire. The smoke billowed up from it like smoke from a furnace, and the whole mountain trembled violently, and the sound of the trumpet grew louder and louder. Then Moses spoke and the voice of the Lord answered him…And God spoke all these words…” Exodus 19:18, 19; 20:1.