At the age of sixty four, after eight years of running my B&B, I decided to call it a day. My business was neither a roaring success nor a dismal failure. Rather, it was another season in the school of life. God had been faithful to me, steering me through difficult days, meeting every need despite the challenges, and preparing me for the next phase of my journey. 

In 2004, my business was sold…and I launched into another of my dreams. For years I had longed to serve my Master in a more structured and full-time way  inside my church’s daily functions

…so, I approached my pastor with a bold request. I asked for a position as a volunteer…an office in the church’s admin section…and a small apartment in the playschool building which had been set aside for accommodation. 

He agreed to all three requests! After a short visit to my eldest son in the USA, I settled into my new routine with deep gratitude to the Lord…for rest from the daily grind of business and for the joy of working alongside Christian brothers and sisters…and doing what I loved to do…write. 

I spent twelve happy and wonderful years…finally joining the staff as a paid pastoral assistant. Among many tasks, I wrote teaching materials, taught discipleship groups and even published four books… and flourished spiritually in a safe and tranquil environment. 

…but…the time came, at the age of seventy six, for me to move on. 

My third son and his family lived on a smallholding outside a nearby city. Both husband and wife worked. I decided to join them, to live in a “granny flat” attached to the main house…independent but adjacent to them… and to take over some of the household chores. 

My busy and productive life after twelve years, suddenly shrunk to a small rented apartment on an isolated plot outside a city. From a busy routine in the church office, I was faced with aloneness all day. 

My pastor had given me…as a farewell gift from the church …a Yorkshire terrier puppy…a tiny companion to love and care for in my solitude. I named her Tosca. She was eight weeks old…a real handful…but a darling whom I loved dearly. 

One morning, as I sat in my recliner in my living room, my puppy at my feet, my handwork on my lap, I was overcome with a feeling of isolation…abandoned, and useless.  After twelve years of being busy and productive, I was doing nothing of real value, so I thought.  I cried out to the Lord, “What am I supposed to be doing?”

I am a task-orientated person. I lean towards doing something…being busy and useful…rather than towards connecting with people. Solitude never scares me but…doing nothing of value seemed like a punishment. 

God’s voice, as clearly as I have heard that voice on many previous occasions, came to me again…a startling, surprising reply…just three words with a world of content…

“Enjoy your puppy!”

In those three words, God was releasing me into new experience…a retirement that included rest from routine, pressure…into a life that I could regulate without any authority over me. 

In this three words, I understood something of great meaning. I was not what I did but who I was and who I was becoming. My worth lay, not in what I could accomplish but in what God thought of me and could do in me. 

A few months later, I acquired a second puppy…a tiny dachshund called Molly…a companion for Tosca and a partner in crime! After a few months of loneliness, Tosca and Molly joined forces to become a gay and lively pair. 

Tragically, Tosca died under anaesthetic at the age of six months. Molly became my sole companion. Molly and I have bonded to the extent that she speaks English and I speak “dog”!! She understands my verbal instructions…even my rebuke or correction when she steps out of line…and she clearly displays her displeasure when I annoy her! 

With those words of release, on that day when I felt so useless, came words of caution. Retirement after years of living inside the boundaries of authority and submission, as part of a chain of command and a structured life, I was free to do my own thing. However, I was not free, under God, to lapse into complacency. 

How much I needed those loving words in this new, uncharted season of my life. For the first time, I had no one to tell me what to do…no parents…no superiors…no authority over me…only God to whom I was accountable. 

In the years that have followed, ten years to date, I am learning to submit to the greatest authority of all, not so much in activities but in attitudes…to Jesus as Lord…my supreme Authority. My life until my retirement, had aways been

under delegated authority. Now I am free to listen for the voice of my Shepherd without interruption or intrusion. 

“My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me.”

‭‭John‬ ‭10‬:‭27‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Something has occurred to me in these final years of my life…and I say “final” because God has placed me securely in my “departure lounge” to await His call. 

To be continued