Pulling the thorn of rejection.

Mark 6:34 NLT
[34] “Jesus saw the huge crowd as he stepped from the boat, and he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. So he began teaching them many things.”

To feed and care for the sheep, Jesus taught them many things. He knew that knowledge and understanding leading to appropriate action are the best way to overcome the wounds others inflict on His sheep by what they say and do.

Hebrews 12:14-15 NLT
[14] “Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord. [15] Look after each other so that none of you fails to receive the grace of God. Watch out that no poisonous root of bitterness grows up to trouble you, corrupting many.”

Today, we’ll examine another issue that harms and disturbs the peace we crave in our hearts and in our relationships with one another… one person’s habit of controlling another.

Why are some people “control freaks”?

We encounter, or even live with someone who constantly dominates, interrupts, and takes over our conversation, telling us what to do, or even criticising, condemning, or controlling our every move. Some wives, for example, are prisoners of their husband’s controlling behaviour, and children are harmed by a father who blocks and interferes with all their movements, creating resentment and fear.

What triggers this kind of behaviour?

Apparently, insecurity is the core reason for a person’s controlling behaviour. Why is a person insecure? Why does he/she need to dominate and control others?

For convenience let’s call the person “she”.

At some point in her life when she was young and incapable of processing thoughtless words that some significant person in her life spoke, words like…
“You can do better!”
“You’ll never amount to anything.”
“Why can’t you be like your brother/ sister?”
“When are you going to learn?”

…which made her feel worthless, useless, hopeless, and rejected. These are “thorns” that lodge deep in her soul and begin to fester.

An insecure person uses control to express the need to be “somebody”. They try to obliterate the feelings of uselessness and rejection by claiming the limelight.

In the way other people try to control us, they are conveying an unspoken message that causes us deep harm. “I am bigger, better, know more, can do more… than you!” Such a person is, saying, in effect, “You are nothing. I reject you.”

People who feel rejected react in different ways. Some cover their hurt with outbursts of violent anger. Some creep into their shells and become shy, weak, and over-complaint nobodies. Others resort to being dominating and controlling “know-it-alls” in an effort to feel significant. They have are so traumatised that they resort to controlling others to cover up their own nothingness.

Unfortunately, we either behave in one of these ways or we become victims of these kinds of behaviour, all expressions of rejection, without understanding the reasons behind them. Do we ever ask the question, for example, “Why do I feel so angry?” or “Why am I afraid of people?” or “Why do I have to be in the limelight all the time?”… or “Why does so-and-so make me feel so useless?”

These abnormal ways of behaving are expressions of insecurity. We don’t know who we really are. We are uncomfortable inside our own skin. We react to these feelings by covering up and burying them under unacceptable behaviour.

I believe that there is not a person on earth who has not felt rejected at some time in life. We have a society full of people bumping into each other to cover up our feelings of inadequacy.

Let’s look at rejection. What is rejection? Why is rejection so damaging?

My thoughts turned to Jesus. Suffering was the Father’s way of qualifying Him to be our Saviour.

Hebrews 2:10 NLT
[10] “God, for whom and through whom everything was made, chose to bring many children into glory. And it was only right that he should make Jesus, through his suffering, a perfect leader, fit to bring them into their salvation.”

What was the nature of Jesus’ suffering? Was it the physical suffering He endured when He was crucified? Was it the indignities He suffered as a human? Isaiah and John give us the clue.

Isaiah 53:3 NLT
[3]”He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care.”

John 1:10-11 NLT
[10] “He came into the very world he created, but the world didn’t recognize him. [11] He came to his own people, and even they rejected him.”

Contempt! Rejection! The very core of Jesus’ suffering. Rejection was the worst that humans could inflict on their God.

The Hebrew word for rejection means “vacant”.

I asked Meta (an AI service on WhatsApp that provides information on anything you want to know), for the meaning of “vacant” and what an insightful reply I received! Here is the summary. “In general, vacant implies a sense of emptiness, lack, or unoccupation.”

The Bible says that Jesus purposefully emptied Himself until He became nothing. In the eyes of His enemies He was rejected because they considered Him to be “vacant”! Even His family thought He was crazy!

When someone rejects you through derogatory words or actions, they treat you as, and leave you feeling “vacant”. There can be no attitude towards you more damaging than this. When you believe the words that make you feel empty, useless, unwanted, you eventually become what you believe. If you take these words to heart, you will be emotionally crippled by their poison. These words become a thorn that is driven deep into the core of who you are.

The Apostle Paul was also called to the same suffering, rejection by his own people and by the Gentiles to whom he was sent. Like Jesus, both Jews and Gentiles wanted to kill him, and eventually they did.

Acts of the Apostles 9:15-16 NLT
[15] “But the Lord said, “Go, for Saul is my chosen instrument to take my message to the Gentiles and to kings, as well as to the people of Israel. [16] And I will show him how much he must suffer for my name’s sake.”

How does one deal with rejection? You cannot undo the words that produced the feeling of rejection but you can pull out the” thorn” that caused the festering wound.

God gave Paul the answer to his “thorn”.

2 Corinthians 12:7 NLT
[7], …”So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.”

“A thorn in my flesh” is a particularly meaningful expression to Paul on his description. The insinuation that he was vacant, rejected, aroused violent reactions from his old, fleshly, sinful nature. Was Paul saying that the rejection he faced from both Jews and Gentiles caused his flesh to rise up in rebellion, defence? Did he react with anger, resentment, bitterness, thoughts of revenge? However…

First, Paul recognised, on hindsight, that his “thorn”, though initiated by the devil, had a purpose, to remind him of who he really was, a frail human utterly reliant on the Lord. He had no power in himself to overcome his fleshly reactions.

Second, Paul had to, “pull the thorn” by dealing with his anger and resentment against those who rejected him. When God revealed his thorn’s purpose, Paul understood its value, to teach him reliance on God’s grace, to stop being angry with his persecutors and to trust God in his circumstances. Anger and resentment caused the “thorn” to fester in his heart. He pulled it out by admitting he was wrong, forgiving those who rejected him, and replacing sinful reactions with a new perspective.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 NLT
[9] Each time he (God) said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. [10] That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”

Meta added this amazing perspective on rejection…

“Rejection can be tough but shifting our perspective can help. Seeing rejection as a “vacant” space that’s available for something new and better to come in can be really liberating.”

Wow, that’s exactly how Paul responded to his thorn, once he had pulled it out. Gratitude to the Lord for the opportunity to receive His “enough” grace replaced his prayer to get rid of the thorn. God didn’t pull it out. Paul pulled the thorn out and allowed the wound to heal by changing his perspective and his attitude.

Once the thorn is out, we still need to deal with the infection, the dead cells and purulence that remain in the wound. The infection is caused by “bacteria” introduced by the thorn, the lies we believed that festered and caused the emotional
pain.

The medicine we use to counter the lies is the truth of God’s Word. We receive healing by “being transformed by the renewing of our minds.” By reading and believing what God says about us, we replace lies with truth.

Isaiah 53:5 NIV
[5] “But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are HEALED.”

Healing of the wound and cleaning out the infection caused by the thorn happen by replacing the lies of the devil with the truth of God’s Word.

Jesus’ death in our place forgave all our sin, reconciled us to the Father and made us fully acceptable to Him. We are His beloved sins and daughters. What could be better than that?

Jesus said,

John 6:37 NLT
[37]”Those the Father has given me will come to me, and I will never reject them.”

So, we can also shake off rejection as Paul shook off the poisonous snake and have no after effects. Through knowledge and understanding, Jesus has set us free from our pain and provided us with the food and water of the “green pastures and quiet waters”.

To be concluded…