1 Peter 3:7 NLT
[7]”In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.”
Peter includes advice to husbands in his collection of gems for this ‘crown of righteousness’ we will receive for faithfulness to Jesus.
What does ‘give honour’ mean? The Greek word ‘time’, (pronounced teemay), has the meaning of giving monetary value to something, figuratively meaning esteem, worth, dignity.
Husbands are to esteem their wives of great worth as precious, preserving their dignity and treating them with understanding. What must they understand? A wife is weaker in her physical makeup but equal in her position in Christ. Husband and wife are equal partners in their new life. “
There is a price to pay for those husbands who lord it over their wives, undermining their dignity and worth as equal partners in their marriage…they will spoil their fellowship with God.” Any untoward treatment will hinder your prayers,” said Peter.
When we consider the unique relationship God has planned for marriage partners to enjoy, one ingredient stands out that provides the glue that keeps the partners together…. humility!
What is humility? Despite the Bible’s simple definition of humility,
Proverbs 22:4 NIV
[4] “Humility is the fear of the Lord;…”
… I believe that there are other elements to humility that give us a clearer understanding of its meaning.
I asked myself the question, “Is God humble?” If not, then what is He… proud, arrogant, self-righteous? None of these descriptions fit the nature of God. In fact, Jesus claimed to be ‘humble and gentle in heart’.
Humility, then, is much more than the fear of the Lord, unless the fear of the Lord includes the qualities I am about to present.
Does Peter mention humility in his letter? Yes, he does.
1 Peter 5:5-6 NIV
[5] “In the same way, you who are younger, submit yourselves to your elders. All of you, clothe yourselves with humility toward one another, because, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.” [6] Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time.”
There it is again! Humility in the context of submission!
Let’s consider some of the elements that make up humility so that we can draw a picture of the way humility functions in a marriage partnership.
- Humility means accepting and functioning in one’s unique position in the world without force or coercion.
If we accept that God is humble, it means that God takes His rightful place as ruler of the universe and functions from that role without force or coercion. How true that He never forces anyone to accept His authority but He does warn of the consequences of disobedience.
- Humility accepts the other person/persons for their place in the universe.
What applies to me applies equally to all other persons.
- Humility allows the other person the choice to respond or refuse to respond whatever the issue.
A humble person allows another to make his own choices. He does not force his will on another simply because he believes he is right or wants what he wants.
Does not God accept our right to be wrong? Yes, He does. He gave us freedom to choose and never violates that freedom even if our choices destroy us. However, He offers mercy to those who acknowledge they are wrong and turn away from the wrong they chose.
- Humility has authority if it willingly comes under authority.
On earth, Jesus had authority because He was under authority. That means that, since He always submitted to the Father’s will, He required that others do the same to Him. Submission and obedience, which are the fruit of love and trust, are the hallmarks of a true son. These qualities qualify a son to act in behalf of the father.
- Humility accepts one another’s differences, and works within them without trying to change the other person.
Without humility, two people in a marriage partnership will always try to change each other. This is not God’s mandate for marriage. His mandate is to love and submit to one another.
- Humility keeps the greater purpose in view, focusing on protecting love and promoting unity in preference to demanding its own way.
- Humility is the willingness to submit to another person’s sacrifice without protest.
Humility provides the environment for unselfish service which is the role of a husband as servant leader.
When we put these elements of humility in place in a marriage partnership (or in any other partnership), God’s pattern for marriage becomes a workable alternative to the chaotic relationships in many marriages. It enables us to fulfil God’s plan for marriage which is to reflect the unity and harmony that exists in the Godhead.
When I think about these qualities, I discover that humility is an attitude which can only be seen by the way people treat one another. Like many other attitudes, e.g., love, hate, compassion etc., these attitudes don’t stand on their own. They are woven into the character of an individual by his behaviour towards others.
So, Peter can say to us, “Put on humility like a garment. Act humbly and you will become a humble person.”
How important this is for both husbands and wives if we want to do what God desires – to become one.