A FEW THOUGHTS
ON DISAPPOINTMENT
We
all experience disappointments, big or small, on our journey through life. What
is disappointment? Why are we disappointed?
Disappointment
is a feeling of being let down or betrayed when our expectations are not met.
We continually place expectations on God, people, or circumstances, many of
which are unreasonable or of which the other person has no knowledge or is
incapable of fulfilling for whatever reason.
The
expectations we have of God are usually based on ignorance, or misunderstanding
of who He is, or on what His will and purposes are for us. We pray for things
we want, or for God to change the circumstances which make us uncomfortable or
unhappy. We make demands of Him based on our own will or wishes instead of
submitting to His greater wisdom and purposes.
When
nothing happens, we are disappointed, and we hold God accountable for not
answering us as we expected. We sometimes even lose faith and walk away because
He didn’t do anything for us.
On
the other hand, when we fail in our walk with the Lord, we are disappointed
with ourselves and we impose our disappointment on God as though He doesn’t
know us better than we know ourselves. We beat ourselves up for our failure and
fall into depression instead of viewing ourselves as God see us.
“13
The Lord is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those
who fear him. 14 For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only
dust.”
Psalms
103:13-14 NLT
God
sees the bigger picture. He is writing our small story into His big story.
Where what we want and demand now is determined by our short-sighted
selfishness, God is working in all things for our good.
“23
Because of the miraculous signs Jesus did in Jerusalem at the Passover
celebration, many began to trust in him. 24 But Jesus didn’t trust them,
because he knew all about people. 25 No one needed to tell him about human
nature, for he knew what was in each person’s heart.”
John
2:23-25 NLT
How
reassuring to know that Jesus does not place any unrealistic expectations on us
because He knows us! He is never surprised by our failures or disappointed by
our sin. All He asks of us is that we are humble enough to acknowledge and take
responsibility for our wrongdoing instead of blaming someone or something other
than our own sinful hearts.
“8
If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the
truth. 9 But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive
us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.”
1
John 1:8-9 NLT
What
about our disappointment with people? We often place unreasonable expectations
on a friend or family member, based on our standards, that they are not aware
of or incapable of fulfilling. We judge him/her when he/she doesn’t come up to
scratch. We feel let down. We might even cut off our association with that
person or become depressed because he/she has failed us.
Doesn’t
our attitude often arise from the deep-seated, inborn feeling that we are
better than the other person? Of course, we would never do to him/her what
he/she has done to us!
We
fail to recognise or acknowledge that we are just as capable of sin as the
other person, given the circumstances. Only by God’s grace can we resist our
fleshly temptations in favour of doing the right thing, no matter the cost.
When
we humbly recognise our own frailty, we will be more willing to give the one
who “failed” us the benefit of the doubt. Our disappointment will
give way to understanding and the willingness to forgive rather than to judge.
Sometimes,
our circumstances are so stressful that we cry out to the Lord in despair,
expecting an instant response, only to wait in vain for deliverance. We weep
and wail in anguish, but God seems silent and inactive. Like Job, we plead for
answers but no answer comes.
Something
happened in the lives of Martha and Mary, Jesus’ dear friends, that illustrate
Jesus’ seeming indifference and the disappointment they felt that led to
unnecessary pain and grief.
Let‘s
look at the background to the story. Martha, Mary and Lazarus lived together in
Bethany, a village near Jerusalem. Jesus often seemed to use their home as a
place of refuge. They were His good friends and when Lazarus fell ill, it was
only natural that the sisters would call Him.
I
often wonder where Lazarus fitted into this friendship. On Jesus’ earlier
visits to the sisters’ home, he is never mentioned. Did he have reservations
about Jesus? Did he resist Jesus’ teaching and side with the religious leaders?
John
records that Jesus loved Lazarus. Was it one-sided? Of course, Jesus loved him
regardless of his response. Was he not part of a family very special to the Lord?
It
seems that Jesus directed this whole incident towards revealing Himself to all
three members of this family that would secure their faith in Him once and for
all. Why did He deliberately ignore their cry for help when Lazarus lay dying?
To
have gone running back to heal Lazarus would have been a notable miracle for
them but not any different or bigger than the many miracles He had done for
sick people.
When
Jesus and His disciples finally reached Bethany, it was too late. By this time,
Lazarus’ body was already decomposing in the tomb. The sisters reacted
differently to this disastrous disappointment in Jesus.
“20
When Martha got word that Jesus was coming, she went to meet him. But Mary
stayed in the house.”
John
11:20
Martha,
the practical one, met Jesus on His way in and reproached Him for His
tardiness. She was not yet ready to trust Him enough to see the bigger picture
beyond the present circumstances.
“21
Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not
have died.”
John
11:20-21 NLT
Martha’s
confidence in Jesus was limited to what she knew of Him rather than in what He
was in His fullness as the
Son of God.
Jesus was quick to
rebuke her for questioning His action. He hinted at His desire to reveal to this
family a far greater truth about both the Father and Himself than they could
ever imagine.
“4 But when
Jesus heard about it he said, “Lazarus’s sickness will not end in death. No, it
happened for the glory of God so that the Son of God will receive glory from
this.”
John 11:4 NLT
I think Martha, at this
point, was repeating her belief in a theological fact included in her religious
system, but not in a powerful conviction, written on her heart, that gave her
hope.
“23 Jesus told
her, “Your brother will rise again.” 24 “Yes,” Martha said, “he will rise when
everyone else rises, at the last day.”
John 11:23-24 NLT
Jesus, always alert to
opportunities to reveal who He was – the Son of God, used this situation to
drive home the glory of the Father, revealed in the Son, who had power over
death itself. His own resurrection, foretold before it happened, would
guarantee the resurrection of all those who believe in Him.
Jesus’ declaration,
“I am the resurrection and the life,” brought from Martha the confession,
27 “Yes, Lord,” she
told him. “I have always believed you are the Messiah, the Son of God, the one
who has come into the world from God.”
John 11:27 NLT
… but did she really
know what she was saying?
What about Mary?
Jesus was fully aware
that Mary was avoiding Him. She refused to go out to meet Him until He called
her. Her grief and disillusionment were so deep that she didn’t want to see
Him.
Her words to Him,
though exactly the same as Martha’s rebuke, were heavy with anger and anguish.
Her faith in Him had been shattered and her hope destroyed. She lashed out at
Jesus with all the emotion she could muster. Everything she thought she knew about
Him was gone, wrecked by His seeming indifference.
Jesus wept, not at
Lazarus’ death, but because of Mary’s failure to trust Him. Didn’t she
understand that He had something far greater to reveal than His power to heal
the sick? He came to make the true Father known, not the rigid, disciplinarian
God Israel believed in.
The Father Jesus came
to reveal would never ignore the cry of His child. However, if He seemed
indifferent, it was His plan to do something far greater than His child
expected.
Finally, when Mary saw
the whole picture, her anger and bitterness turned to worship. In the next
chapter, we see Mary at Jesus’ feet and Lazarus in Jesus’ company, reclining at
the banquet table with Him.
Did Lazarus’ death
experience at last convince him that Jesus was who He said He was, the Son of
God? Gone were his reservations, gone his antagonism and opposition. What had
his experience with death taught him? Did he have a glimpse of hell, or perhaps
feel the hot breath of the flames?
Did Lazarus need an
experience as extreme as death to convince him that Jesus spoke the truth about
Himself and His Father?
Had Mary only realised
that Jesus had a much bigger and better plan than she could ever imagine, she
would not have wasted her emotional energy on grief and disappointment. If she
had trusted Him and waited until He came, and seen what He could do, she would
have brought Him joy instead of tears.
What lessons can we
draw from this story about the way to handle our disappointments?
1. Disappointment will
always be a part of life. However, our perspective will either produce
emotional distress or grow a greater trust in the love of the Father.
If we consider God’s
failure to meet our expectations when and how we demand, we will question His
love for us, or even back down on our commitment to Him as Lord.
If we are convinced
that God is in charge of our circumstances, we will be willing to submit to His
timing and agenda. When bad things happen, we will wait for the final outcome
instead of losing faith in Him.
“14 So he will do
to me whatever he has planned. He controls my destiny.”
Job 23:14 NLT
2. If we think that
people who let us down are the cause of our disappointment, we will always be
at the mercy of fallible human beings.
If we recognise that we
are as capable of failing them as they failed us, instead of judging, we will
forgive out of compassion and understanding.
3. Disappointment can
be a great test of the measure of our faith in God. Are we trusting Him only
for what He can do for us, or is our faith in who He is, regardless of the
outcome of our prayers.
If we are willing to
wait for the outcome of our trial instead of insisting on an instant
resolution, based on our conviction that God is working in all things for our
good, we will save ourselves from a great deal of unnecessary emotional pain.
Our confidence in God will lift us above the turmoil of circumstances into the
pure atmosphere of peace no matter what we encounter on our journey through
life.
“6 Don’t worry
about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need and
thank him for all he has done. 7 Then you will experience God’s peace, which
exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds
as you live in Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 4:6-7 NLT