“For I know that as you pray for me and the Spirit of Jesus Christ helps me, this will lead to my deliverance. For I fully expect and hope that I will never be ashamed, but that I will continue to be bold for Christ, as I have been in the past. And I trust that my life will bring honor to Christ, whether I live or die. For to me, living means living for Christ, and dying is even better. But if I live, I can do more fruitful work for Christ. So I really don’t know which is better. I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1‬:‭19‬-‭24‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Although Paul was never in charge of his life…and he knew it…his mind was torn between two options.  Was it okay for him to have natural desires? In his predicament…a condemned prisoner in a Roman jail…should he pray to stay or pray to go?

Paul knew that prayer was powerful. His Philippian partners were always praying for him. Of this he was assured. If they prayed, God would deliver him from an impossible situation…but, was deliverance the best thing for everyone at this time?

Paul knew that he could sway the verdict simply by denying Jesus but…for him, this was unthinkable. Perhaps the deliverance he really needed was not from Rome but from himself. His boldness and courage to stand true to Jesus and to preach the truth, didn’t come from will power. It came from the grace that God provided through the prayers of His people. 

“And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God’s mysterious plan that the Good News is for Jews and Gentiles alike. I am in chains now, still preaching this message as God’s ambassador. So pray that I will keep on speaking boldly for him, as I should.”

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭6‬:‭19‬-‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Paul never took his condition in life for granted. He was who he was and where he was because of God’s grace. The prayers of his fellow believers for him was a comfort and a hope that he would finish as he started. 

However, Paul was still faced with the prospect of martyrdom. He was human. Violent death at the hands of Roman executioners…the reality that hung over him…was not a pleasant thought. It was not something he could shrug off easily. 

Yes, going to be with Jesus was a compelling desire but…he knew there was still much work to be done while he was here on earth. What was it, then, that Paul allowed his mind to dwell on rather than the horror that awaited him? Staying or going…which option was better? Both had merits. 

Fortunately for Paul, as much as he would have liked to make the choice, his future was not in his hands. He could dwell on the prospects but…he could not determine the outcome. 

What captures my attention most in Paul’s contemplation of his situation is the focus of his attention…not which was better for him but which was better for them…

“I’m torn between two desires: I long to go and be with Christ, which would be far better for me. But for your sakes, it is better that I continue to live.”

Of course, staying alive would mean escape from the executioner’s sword but…that was not his consideration. Staying alive would mean more time to spend with his beloved fellow believers. Going to be with Jesus would mean facing what any person would dread but…Paul looked beyond the way to the destination to the destination itself…the presence of Jesus forever. 

I love Paul’s honesty. He was sharing his intimate thoughts with the people he loved. He didn’t hide his struggles. He showed himself to be vulnerable but, at the same time, he revealed the passion that drove his soul…not self…but Jesus in him. His testimony was not empty words. 

“My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

‭‭Galatians‬ ‭2‬:‭20‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Paul’s situation was where the rubber met the road. His life only meant something if he lived it in harmony with his Lord. That was okay if the circumstances were pleasant but…on death row…that was different. 

“Knowing this, I am convinced that I will remain alive so I can continue to help all of you grow and experience the joy of your faith. And when I come to you again, you will have even more reason to take pride in Christ Jesus because of what he is doing through me.”

‭‭Philippians‬ ‭1‬:‭25‬-‭26‬ ‭NLT‬‬

If I were in Paul’s place, what would my thinking be? 

To be continued