1Peter 3:3-6 NIV‬
[3] “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. [4] Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. [5] For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, [6] like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.”

Paul tells us THAT wives must submit to their husbands. Peter adds the beautiful gem of HOW and WHY wives are to submit.

Did Peter have personal experience in his own marriage? Perhaps Peter, a typical Jewish man in a Jewish culture, had treated his wife harshly in his unregenerate days. Did she teach him, by her quiet, inner beauty, how to relate to her as a partner, not a possession? The Bible does not tell us, but it does tell us the outcome of inner beauty versus outward adorning.

As we have already learned, following God’s pattern always works. Given the nature in us from Adam, women have always fought for independence. Even marriage does not change this continual power struggle, entrenched by the ongoing feminist, ‘burn the bra’ movement. Women demand their rights, at home, in the workplace, and on every level of society.

The roles of women and men have become so blurred that God’s pattern for marriage has all but been destroyed. It’s now two men or two women, accepted as the norm all over the world. Gender changes at will are being added to the mix in an attempt to obliterate God’s sovereignty in His creation order. It’s no wonder society is in chaos and confusion in its attempt to throw off God’s authority. The Bible calls these trends ‘suppressing the truth by their wickedness’.

‭Romans 1:18 NLT‬
[18] “But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness.”

However, despite what the world is doing, God’s pattern is the only way that will always work.

‭1 Peter 3:3-6 NLT‬
[3] “Don’t be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. [4] You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. [5] This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They put their trust in God and accepted the authority of their husbands. [6] For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do.”

As always, God’s pattern requires God’s grace. Without His power in us, bringing our unruly desires into submission to Him, His pattern will always be only a pattern. Obedience to His pattern requires a change of heart, a change of mind, and a change of attitude.

God does not forbid outward adornment. Women want to look beautiful. Little girls pretend to be princesses, dressing up in ‘princess’ fancy dress with fake jewels that make them feel like princesses.

Women spend thousands building on this mindset in their adulthood. After all, they must do everything they can to catch a mate! However, to make this their goal is a dead end. Once they have caught a mate, it’s not their adornment that will keep them together. It’s the effort they put into building unity in a lasting relationship that counts.

How do we (wives) do this?

Peter says, “By cultivating inner beauty… ‘the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.'” Did you get that? When one brings God into the mix, one adds the only partnership in the universe that works. If God is pleased with a quiet and gentle spirit (attitude), we can be sure that His Spirit will make it happen.

Why must we focus on inner beauty?

The first reason is that outward beauty fades. The beauty of a twenty-year-old has mostly faded by forty, fifty or sixty. If it is only outward beauty that keeps a couple together, after a few years the magic goes. What’s left is strife and conflict.

The second reason is that outward adornment cannot achieve God’s core purpose of marriage…unity.

‭Genesis 2:23-24 NLT‬
[23] “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’” [24] This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

God created male and female and brought them together in the permanent union of marriage to be a picture on earth of the unity within the Trinity in heaven. Paul affirms God’s purpose in his description of God’s pattern for marriage.

‭Ephesians 5:21-22, 25, 31 NLT‬
[21] “And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. [22] For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord….
[25] For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church….
[31] As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.”

There is a deep mystery in this union between a man and a woman, a divine order that God established in marriage, a pattern for unity and harmony that works. A woman can only submit in heart to her husband when she is submitted to Jesus first. It takes God’s grace to enable her to put her own independence to death and to place herself under her husband’s authority with her trust in God that this attitude will work.

God did not say that wives must allow their husbands to walk all over them and to wipe their feet on them. Marriage is an equal partnership but with different roles. For marriage to work, someone must take the lead. God gave this assignment to husbands. There cannot be two leaders for this family dynamic to work.

A wife’s attitude is the key, the foundation to achieve this harmony. Her husband’s love for her can only grow and flourish when she willingly submits to his sacrificial service. Unless she chooses lovingly and willingly to submit, his sacrifice will be insulted and rejected, gouging out the heart of their relationship.

Again, it’s Jesus example that provides the pattern for this relationship to work. He gave His life for His bride, cleansing her with His own blood and purifying her with the water of the Word.

Peter says that the gentle and quiet spirit of a submissive wife will tame her husband’s unruly attitude and give him the reason to believe in Jesus.

‭1 Peter 3:1-2 NLT‬
[1] “In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over [2] by observing your pure and reverent lives.“

So, why the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit rather than outward adorning of fine clothes and expensive jewellery?

God is pleased, unbelieving husbands are won to Jesus, harmony functions in the home, and God’s pattern of unity shows the world who God is.

Now that’s a gem worth seeking!