Ephesians 6:4 NLT
[4] Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord.”
Parents, unfortunately, even in the church, have lost God’s pattern for parenthood in the chaos of human ‘wisdom’. The Bible gives clear direction for fathers and mothers to raise godly offspring.
Take the book of Proverbs, for instance, written by Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, which is full of details that help us understand the nitty-gritty of parenthood. From Solomon’s instructions, we glean the nature children have from birth. We also learn how to deal with their inherent rebellion and waywardness.
No child is a blank page at birth.
Proverbs 22:15 NLT
[15] “A youngster’s heart is filled with foolishness, but physical discipline will drive it far away.”
Every child is born with an ‘old nature’ inherited from Adam, that has a bent towards sin. David acknowledge this trait in himself.
Psalms 51:5 NLT
[5] “For I was born a sinner— yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.”
Without wise intervention, a child will inevitable go the way of his fallen nature.
Proverbs 29:15 NIV
[15] “A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother.”
Every child is also born with a moral compass – conscience, written on the heart. Together with the basic knowledge of right and wrong comes the guilt that follows deliberate deviation from the right way.
A parent’s role, then, is to alert the child to the wrong he has done, to point to the right way to obey what his conscience (God’s Word) teaches, and to apply appropriate discipline so that the lesson is learned.
Since the father is the head of the home, the leader and example for his family, it falls on him to carry out the role of teacher through instruction and discipline.
How often fathers abdicate from this charge and only father biological children. They leave their wives to train the children, which inevitably fails because mothers cannot marry their role as nurturer with the more difficult role of disciplining unruly behaviour.
It takes a mature man, secure and confident in his relationship to his heavenly Father, to treat his children as the Father treats him. Love is the atmosphere in which fathering happens. Fathering, in turn, is not about inconsistent and emotional reactions to bad behaviour. It’s about patiently and consistently guiding the child, using discipline and instruction, towards the goal of true sonship, i.e., obedience and submission, in preparation for sonship in God’s family.
Without a clear goal in view, the path to adulthood becomes a battle ground of wills and a place of tension, insecurity, and unhappiness.
Parents need to find the difficult balance between overindulgence which cements a child`s inherent selfishness and too-strict control whidh robs him of security and confidence.
Here are two simple rules to help parents on this tortuous journey.
- Apply discipline to rebellion, not immaturity. A good rule of thumb from Larry Chritianson, “The Christian Family”, “The rod must be the first recourse, not the last resort.” In other words, children must learn to obey the first time a parent speaks, not at the end of a conflict.
- Make decisions for young children, decisions with them as they grow older and understand issues better, and guide them in their own decisions as they move towards young adulthood.
Happy parenting!
To be continued…