Have you ever had a spiritual “high” so glorious that you thought the next step was heaven, only to slump into depression and despair soon afterwards?
I had that experience years ago. I had written a short play based on the life of Esther, which a group of girls performed at a ladies’ function. They did it so well that I ecststic. The next morning my heart was so heavy after the emotional overload that I shut myself away from people. All I wanted to do was cry! Why? My reaction didn’t make sense. I should have felt on top of the world instead of wallowing in emotional “mud”.
As much as I hate to admit it, depression was a big player in my early adult life. You see, my “love language”, according to Gary Chapman’s book, “The 5 Love Languages” is affirmation. Without affirmation, I felt cheated
Reflecting on the experience now, what was it that sent me into such an emotional “tailspin”? Was it because I didn’t receive the volume of accolades I thought I deserved? Since I have come to understand the mechanisms of depression, I know that, at least in my own life, self-pity triggers depression. So, if I identify the cause of my self-pity, and repent of the sin, the depression immediately dissipates and peace is restored.
Self-pity is the outcome of spiritual theft. By desiring accolades for myself, I stole from God what was rightfully His, the honour for the success of my effort. After all, was it not He who inspired me to write? Was it not He who gifted me to write? Who gave me the idea? Who enabled the teacher who produced the play and the girls who performed it to do so well? Once again, it was all about perspective.
My thoughts turned to the Bible.
Elijah had a similar experience of emotional overload that sent him into deep depression. He had won a remarkable victory over the evil Queen Jezebel and her fleet of prophets of the idol, Baal. Elijah had risked his life by challenging this mob of prophets to a dual only God and their gods could fight.
This battle was about the true God of Israel, Yahweh, versus the false god, Baal, as a witness to Israel that their worship of Baal was false and futile. The prophet Elijah represented God. 450 false prophets represented Baal.
One against 450! In the end, this conflict was not about numbers; it was about truth.
Of course, God won an astounding victory and Elijah was vindicated. 450 prophets of Baal lost their lives, no doubt at the hands of the Isaelites. Was Jezebel, the power behind King Ahab, convinced! No! She was livid! Elijah must die!
In a panic, Elijah fled to Mount Horeb in Arabia. Jezebel would never find him there! He hid in a cave on the side of the mountain to sulk and lick his wounds. Instead of a revival in Israel, a mass turning to the Lord that he had anticipated, all he got was a death threat from an angry queen and no support from the people. What was he supposed to do now?
Elijah had slumped into depression!
Self-pity? PMS… Poor Me Syndrome had paralysed his reason. When God questioned him in a whisper,
1 Kings 19:13 NLT
[13] When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
only self-pity came out.
1 Kings 19:13-14 NLT
[14] He replied again, “I have zealously served the Lord God Almighty. But the people of Israel have broken their covenant with you, torn down your altars, and killed every one of your prophets. I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me, too.”
What triggered Elijah’s crash? Did God disappoint him? Did he blame God for not coming to the party? Was he devastated because he got no accolades for his great victory over the prophets of Baal? All his hopes and expectations had crashed around him.
Euphoria changes to depression when we turn the focus away from God to ourselves. Despite our foolish notions, we are never the cause of success, only players in God’s bigger scheme of things.
Musing on Elijah’s situation, truth began to dawn on me as the Holy Spirit opened my mind to His ways.
How did God respond to His servant’s misery? First, a great display of power. Earthquake! Wind! Fire! “What do you want me to do, Elijah? Do you want me to display this kind of power to your people to change their hearts? It didn’t work on Mount Cartmel.” God said nothing.
When the dust and ashes had settled, God whispered to His prophet, “Tell me what’s wrong.” When Eljah had aired his complaint, God responded in His way.
God’s word to Elijah was a light bulb moment for me. His power to intervene lies, not in great displays of natural disasters but, once again, is His Word. He is working to a pre-determined plan, slowly but surely moving history towards its conclusion. He works through His Word. Herein lies His power.
Elijah’s part in this plan was not to bring about a massive revival in Israel. His part was to move history another step forward in obedience to God’s instructions. “Go and anoint three men for their function in history and, don’t worry, Elijah, you are not the only one left who serves me.”
1 Kings 19:15-18 NIV
[15] “The Lord said to him, “Go back the way you came, and go to the Desert of Damascus. When you get there, anoint Hazael king over Aram. [16] Also, anoint Jehu son of Nimshi king over Israel, and anoint Elisha son of Shaphat from Abel Meholah to succeed you as prophet. [17] Jehu will put to death any who escape the sword of Hazael, and Elisha will put to death any who escape the sword of Jehu. [18] Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal and whose mouths have not kissed him.”
Gone Elijah’s depression! Empowered by a new purpose, he returned to Israel to carry out the Lord’s instruction.
Great lessons emerge from this story.
Spiritual “highs” are a danger to us when we lose perspective. What we achieve is always, and only about Him, not about us. Self-pity is a stepping stone to depression. Giving glory to God is the way to stay “up” in spirit.
Beware of those who equate God’s power primarily with miracles and great displays of supernatural disaster. Yes, God does these things but God changes people from within, and changed people change situations by applying God’s Word.
God moves history according to His plan by engaging obedient servants to carry out His instructions. We may not understand His ways but that must never hinder our obedience to His Word.
Thank God for lessons that tame our unruly hearts and bring us into line with His will in our expectations, in our prayers, and in our obedience to His Word. We need to learn to do a lot less talking and a lot more listening.